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Not feeling like a very happy person (oh please, do I ever?) Last night was far from fun. If I'd felt like I could actually drink maybe it would have been better. If I actually felt comfortable around people, maybe it would have been better.

Had I been told earlier in the week we were having people over I wouldn't be working today, But no, I didn't find out until two days before. It definitely feels like Kevin cares more for his friends then me sometimes, like he would rather be with them, their opinions mean more. I used to like his friends, but I think I just resent them now.

I wish I was a happy, social person. I wish I could get along with and talk to anyone I wanted to. I wish I wasn't shy. I wish I never wanted to hurt myself (I'll say it was the cat). I hate being alive.

I started crying in bed this morning, I was just feeling so awful and didn't want to go to work. Still don't want to, still not feeling much better then awful. At least it is easier to hide when I'm a bit more awake. First thing in the morning I couldn't care less.