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September 25, 2008 - Thursday
Current Events for Sept.21-26, 2008
Category: Life
Time- 5:39AM
Sigh, why do I still have feelings for him? Yes it is true I have learned to hold myself together and act better when he bosses me around, and I actually found courage in me to look him in the eyes again. I just wish we didn't have this akward tension between us, I've already put in my heart to forgive him and I've thought long and hard about the current events in my life and I believe that in the end our friendship wasn't worth losing. He will always mean the world to me and I will always hold him dear in my heart.
I do still feel hurt when he mentions her name, but for the most part I just want things to be normal again like before our relationship started. Since he obviously has never cared about me and just used me, you gotta understand why at first I refused to ever forgive him. Its in my best interest and better for me and everyone else to just hold my feelings in and smile like nothings wrong. So for those of you who see me smiling in the hallway and wonder why I am so happy all the time and smiling it is because I want you all to be happy and I keep smiling to make everything seem alright even when nothing in my life is going right.
So please if you read this leave me alone, and do not talk to me about it because I will just deny it. I will always do everything within my power to keep my personal life far away from school as possible. I do love my ROTC, and I will always love my color guard because it was the first thing to ever make me feel like I belong, it taught me discipline, motivation, to speak my mind, responsibility, leadership, and many other qualities I cherish today. Without ROTC I would of never got through high school or even being a junior for that matter.
I have been approving with my grades but i'd have to say that is the only, and I mean ONLY good thing thats happened to me. My grandpa died, then come to find out someone else in my family has died as well, then my first seargent thought I was trying to leave color guard just because I wanted to be in raiders too. It is true that I have thought about getting out of raiders because I will not put up with the commander and her glares.
Also I've lost three people who I thought were my friends but apparently are back stabbing, hurtful, bitches, and I am not going to even tolerate with them anymore. I've acted mature and tried to handle one of the situations by talking to her and seeing what was wrong, but then she was acting like a child and refused to act as if I can read her mind. Another ex-friend is jealous that I am friends with a guy she likes and when I came back from talking to him I seen her talking to my other best friend and I was standing behind her the whole time.
She was talking about me and started to b***h about me behind my back but I caught her and it is the last straw with her I am through trying to be nice to her if all she does in return of my friendship is complain about how ******** emo she is and how I am ruining her chance with my friend? Wtf right?
Then the last friend has been the main source of why the first friend has been being such a b***h to me. He is a guy and was my friend, id talk to him everyday, and do normal friend stuff including playing around with him. Yes it is true I went out with him before , and I admit I still have feelings for him but I would never go out with him even if I could. He has always been a great friend and I have nothing against him as a person but things have been going like s**t and I am just leaving him alone even though I still think of him as a good friend.
Then I've just found out another one of my friends likes me and I feel really uncomfortable with him around now. He's not the only other guy that is my friend and confessed their feelings about me. It seems like all the guys I like do not like me back, now my mom is trying to hook me up with one of her friend's from works son, she insisted I ask one of the two brothers to my military ball, and I spaced out. I said no immediately and refused to go out on my military ball with a complete stranger whom I didn't know. First off, yes I have seen a picture of them both and they both are very attractive and I feel as if I am not good enough for them since now everyone I like I can't have.
My mom wishes me to get to know one of them or both, and I know this is kinda nasty but I am completely attracted to their dad only because he is the ideal man I've always dreamed of. He is a real ladies man and his sons are really cute razz but idk we'll wait and see what happens.
I've been one of the 9 students from ROTC that is going to a leadership confrence tomorrow and it will be all day from 8:45am to the end of 5th period.
So if your wondering where I am, there's your answer. Tomorrow I also have Color guard practice after school so I wont be home till 5:30pm-ish.
Friday I am going to the Cove game with my friend Janet and we are both going to head down there at 6pm to get good seats. Then Saturday I am going to be busy all day from babysitting, so sorry but I can't make plans this week, and next week is a slim chance. Sunday I am going to church, and I am going to play my flute with the church band razz just to see what I still got xD.
Then lter on in sunday I am going to help tutor my best friend Danny for our Algebra 2 class cause apparently I am always bad in math but, this year I don't know whats wrong with me? I am just understanding it more than I did with other classes. Then I have to study for my G.M.O test that is next friday.
I am also going to look up qualifications for my college application to West point. I know it is a VERY, VERY, VERY hard place to get into but I am trying mmy best and everything within my power to get excepted. Oh, also Friday is when I help out with the Let 1's and teach them movements for marching and other stuff.
That pretty much sums up the rest of my week, till next week, Peace out homie G's! : P
Randomness stuff......
Oh the new season of heros has came out on monday and I was soooo confused, and if you watched it I bet your were too. Then there is the series true blood, which is pretty good, besides it being about vampires. I have been reading a new book atleast every week. Some of the books I've read and I hope I can remember some of them are...
Other animes....
Kitchen princess (vol.
1-5)
Newes from the dead
Grimpow
The gensing hunter
and a whole bunch of others I can't remember right now.
The book I am currently reading is "Warriors (fire and Ice)" (second book in series)
its about these clan of cats that talk, and have battles with the other clans of cats to fight for territory. Basically only the strong survive, and its a race to struggle for the lack of food and shelter they continue to search for. There is a lot more about the book and I am sorry I made it seem boring but I really suggest you should try the series it is really cool. There is the Shadow clan, the Thunder clan, the Wind clan, the river clan, and the star clan. It is a facinating book, and after I am done with this book, the next book in line is called, "Scottsboro".
"Scottsboro" is set in Alabama of 1931 and is about these 9 black boys that were on a train and get arrested for fighting with white boys. Then two white girls dressed in men's overalls claim that the boys all raped both of them even thogh they shown no sight of abuse, scrape, or mark. One of the girls sticks to the cry of rape but the other one changes what happened over and over. Meanwhile the NAACP are fighting to win the boy's lives. A whole lot of other things happen but it seemed like a good book so I checked it out from the Killeen Library along with other cool books.
Well if you are reading all the way down to this line I thank you for listening to my babbling and whats been up with me. Even though yes I have left a few things out of whats been happening and I am sorry.
Love, Beth
 Waipahe_Puuwai · Mon Jan 05, 2009 @ 12:41am · 0 Comments |
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