As much as I hate my World Religions class, I love it. It opens me up to more philisophical thoughts. I love that kind of stuff. I know I am drifting father apart in my deep of my heart. My old self is melting into a tear that I must dive into and become once more when around the younger people. I am truly still part of myself but a larger part of me is not this other person that they cannot understand. It only proves my point that today I tried to talk to an old friend and it took far too much energy to get even part of my point across.
I realize now that I used to see myself as Sakura Takachi. Truly inside I was this Gaia avatar. I know you might be thinking, how sad she is so obsessed she sees herself as this avatar but YOU'RE WRONG. If you thought that, scold yourself. I would be so PISSED OFF at you if you had said that or reacted that way in front of me. I was able to connect with her because I can control her so much. I could see what was wrong with her and the good. She was so relatable that I bent her to be my voice. I needed some sort of physical manifestation of myself in order to establish myself in this world. Josie has her drawings and I have these avatars.
I cannot draw myself properly because I cannot see MYSELF. The image reflected in the mirror is not me. It is not who I define myself as. I have this creative idea of who I am. If I were to draw it, it would be impossible because it is always changing. It would be endless canvas or a room with tons of halls that I work on from time to time. I love this college experience so much because I have so much time to discover who I am and what I want. I can see much easier the influences. I am so lucky. So very lucky. I change because I want to know myself, the world, and how I can interact properly while still making a difference. ^^
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Fragmented Self who wanders through life like a dreamer and wades through the river of dreams as though it were the only truth left in this world
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