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So, I just got back from Carmichael and that was actually a good weekend because I got some food. WOOOOOOT!!!

And something my mom told me really got to me... She told me that everyone in my life that wasn't a school friend has always looked up to me. Even some of my older cousins, but that wouldn't fit seeing as they were way older than me. Anyway, from what my mom said, they like WORSHIPPED me, I guess. And that got me thinking, how is that possible?

I can't remember my past life very well. All I can remember was where I've been and who I hung out with. That's about it. Now, looking at who I am for the way my friends see me, I realize I've thought higher of myself than I really am. My friends all seem to see me as just a friend. I'm really of no significance to anyone. Not like my older friends where it was sorta like, "Hail the mighty one!!"

Nobody sees me even close to that way. To all my friends, I'm just an annoying guy that has relationship problems and plays guitar. It sucks knowing that nobody looks up to you or even thinks of you as slightly above equal to them. It feels horrible...

Apparently, the first friend I met here in High School had everyone looking down at him. I looked up to him and right now, he's my best friend. My looking up to him "got him out of the rut of 'O, woe is me! I suck!'" And it's good to know i could help someone in that way

It'd be nice if someone could think of me as slightly higher than them. From where I stand, it seems like everyone in my social group looks down at me. What am I good at that anyone will see me as good as they are or, sweet God in heaven be praised if so, better than them. I'm not saying I'd like a lot, I'm not a vain person. But like have 3 or 4 people look up to me to help boost my self esteem...

So, yeah. Basically, I feel like a runt and a nuisance... Now, back to playing video games!!