Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

So, it's the last week of school and we got final exams. Next year I'm a junior and, I realized, I got 2 years left to ride the lightning. Then it'll hit the ground and party's over. Sort of... But with summer brings opportunities to actually be with my friends, and I am DEFINITELY going to take advantage of that. Now, for some of the real reasons I'm writing in my journal....

1) The Events of my day
When I woke up, I realized this week would be different (No ******** s**t?) from the rest of the year. I didn't know it would exclude that we had finals. We got 1st final, break, 2nd final, then we're out at 12:23.

I had to help my mom clean out her storage on Sunday and I found a nice choker/necklace thing. Now, because I really DON'T learn, the first person to rush to mind was Mae. Although, I didn't want to give it to her to say "I love you," or any bull s**t like that. It was meant as nothing more than a friendly gesture. I care about ALL my friends, even ones I'm not so close to. I did it just because, well... She's my friend and I wanted to show what kind of person I can be

And I wanted to give it to her, but I made a HORRIBLE mistake... I asked Jamie to do it for me. Now, this was stupid because I didn't get to see her smile or say she liked it or anything. It sucks (for me) to have gone through the trouble of finding it and begging my mom if I could keep it, then giving it to Mae and not even hearing a thank you... And I didn't ask JAmie, she brought up the idea. And, now, I feel like such a loser....

Then, we were going to hang out after school (Me and the guys). Me, Topher, and Scriven went to the gas station across the street from our school and got ******** LOCKED AND LOADED on sugar and snacks. Then, we discussed the band when we got to Bigfoot Park. When he left, Yoder came. Then, we played video games. Hilariously, the food didn't last an hour. 15 bucks on snacks and Monsters and it didn't last for an hour, even.

So, after the battery on Yoder's computer died, we went to doorbell ditch Khaled. FUN TIMES!!! xD. Then, we lied down in the shade and we actually talked and laughed as friends, instead of another Dr. Phil episode like we do almost all the time. I REALLY want to do that again. But, Yoder had to leave, then Topher had to leave and I was stuck waiting for my dad to pick me up after a half hour.

Then, I got home with a HORRIBLE headache and a bad stomach. So, I passed out for the last 3 hours and, HERE I AM!!!!

2) What I've been doing
I haven't been using my journal to monologue at all. I thought that's what a gaia journal was for... But, I thought I was. During that half hour of waiting, I realized I had been writing public messages to Mae because I prayed she could tell how I felt and she would, in return, tell me what she thought. That was a dead hope either way, for one: Mae doesn't like me (She does, but as a friend (Duh)) and for two: there's no way to ask a girl how do you feel about this, and get it to come out properly.

My WHOLE journal that's been about or relevant to Mae was really just something I wanted her to see and know I felt. Now that I know that, I feel like I should drink myself into a coma. And, what sucks is that there is no way for me to know, understand, or even GUESS what Mae is thinking about me.

I would love to ask, but I have a CONSTANT paranoia of what she'll think of me if I do. And plus, it'd be impossible to acquire that knowledge through words and understand. I would only hear it once.... My journal was the dead hope that she would think something of me and tell me, but likely is she to actually DO that?

Mae, if you're reading this, don't take it as that much. I have weirded out thoughts like this ALL the time. Just rarely do I write it all down

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So, yeah.... That's what happened today