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I've been feeling rather sick lately, lack of sleep, lack of appetite, depression, stress, emotional numbness, etc. I have also been slowly recognizing who I truly am and becoming that person. So while driving home today I finally put two and two together and got the reason for my sickness.

From an early age I was attacked because of who I was, persecuted for being an optimist who loved cute things, someone who believed in the teachings of the Hippy revolution. Peace, love, happiness, all frowned upon by a vindictive and pessimistic society, so I built a shield of pessimism, rage, and contempt to withstand the barrage of insults and venom.

That shield slowly melded with my true personality, turning me into a bitter and depressed a*****e. But recently I've started to figure out who I truly am, and with the mixture of a non-hostile enviroment and understanding friends I'm starting to truly realize who I am. The seperation of the man and the machine comes with some ill effects, the transformation is painful but the reward is a better and fuller life.

So for the tl;dr crowd, I'm undergoing emotional changes that have physical and mental effects but the reward is worth it.