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I had a thing for Mae, but apologizing won't do any good, because she doesn't want to forgive me. But, that's a different story. I'm starting to heal from the slapping, but I still miss her. Obviously as just a friend, but I don't think we are friends after what happened. But, it's gone and done

I'm a fairly respectful person, but I gotta say, it's amazing what people say to us makes us reconsider what we've thought and felt. So, after summer school, I'm walking towards my house with Keith. Yeah, the VERY SAME Keith that told me to slap Mae back when she first slapped me. He is smart, friendly, wise, well... okay he's kinda violent, but he's a good excellent guy.

What makes me laugh though is that he's not much of a ladies' man. He's always saying that you go for a girl with a nice face, boobs, or a**. And that liking a girl for her personality will get you nowhere. I get what he means though, if you're looking for a sex toy excuse for a girl.

And, a few days before he had offered me some weed. And, considering my situation of down-ness, I wanted to try some. But I had a thought it would ******** me up in the long run. I wanted to not only to see what it felt like, but see if it could cure me of my s**t with Mae. But, I turned him down. Now, onto the story

So, we're walking towards where we have to split up. And as he's talking about hot girls, sex, etc., I ask him what he thought of Mae. If I remember right, he had said to me he would easily screw her right in front of me. But, he said he was just kidding. And so he proceeded to say something I probably shouldn't have heard

"She's a scrawny little b***h, I don't see her a**, and her boobs are non-existent"

I didn't know what to say. I used to think she was beautiful. But, after what he said, I started to think, "why DO I like her?" I loved her eyes, but she wasn't much for personality, she thought I was awkward, and we were barely friends in the first place. And he was right, she wasn't s**t to look at. Maci, don't get mad. I know she's your best friend, but your best friend hates me, so BE SILENT!!!

He said so many other things about her. But, I didn't know if I was about to cry or go party. It felt like he was the wise man I should have come to for advice. He was right. And, if I remember right, he told me to "keep women in their place" and slap Mae back. Had I known THIS would be where I was, I would have gone up and slapped and took my choker back.

But, then again, I knew that was a horrible thing to even think about. Being a gentleman will NOT get me far, I know that much now. And I feel like a weak, romantic, wanna-be lover boy. I can't be that though, because I fail at it, and it won't get me anywhere. I shouldn't have agreed but I did, out of my disapproval of my current state.

There were times when I fantasized about being with Mae. But, thinking about it, those times won't happen. And what's there to like about Mae? I shouldn't have loosened up what I said in my last journal. It's been a month and she's still mad at me while I'm in the mood to apologize.... Seriously, what the ********?

But, I'm not going to say "Kiss my a**" again. Instead, I'm just gonna say, "See ya on the other side, ya b***h." I might say something slightly different, depends on if someone talks me back into being friends with her. We aren't friends now because she has a few traits that make her a b***h in my eyes.


And, Keith, thanks for all the s**t you've told me this year, man. I know it's gonna save my a** in the long run.