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heh, well, alot's happened since last i posted here. two words ppl, ******** s**t!! i'm so serious ppl. if anyone thinking about coming out, believe me, make sure you have enough strength to keep your head high.

well, seems like after a few phone calls between my folks, i gotta take therapy for a month, stop seeing my g/f, and be straight, or move out. ^__^ yep, my folks threatened that i'd have to move out. anybody that really knows me knows that i've always relied on my folks and that whenever i'm asked what my top priority is i always say "making my folks proud". so having my folks turn their backs on me and not being able to look at me to tell me how much of a disgrace i am......it hurts. i'm not gonna lie, it's taking alot out of me.....but i knew this wouldn't be easy. to be honest i'm kinda glad it's not. if it was easy then it wouldn't be such a big deal, but it is so....i'm kinda glad.

but oh my god, you have no idea how hard it is making my folks (my mom atleast), believe that i'm gay. i told my mom that i'm not gonna lie to myself just to please my dad, and that i was so tired of doing that. my mom went on about how my g/f's brainwashing me, i told her that me being gay had nothing to do with her b/c i'm doing it for myself. told her how it bothered me that her and daddy were practically taking my choice out of the matter by saying i gotta be straight or move out. reminded her how she used to compliment my g/f about being mature and all and told her that my g/f's still that same mature person but she just happens to be gay as well. ...idk i kept saying alot of things, seemed to get through to her a bit but she just left saying it's still alot to take in.

....i think the most important thing throughout all this is to have patience. lucky for me, my g/f has been simply amazing throughout all this. i told her that i'd agree to take the therapy if it would help my folks cope with the fact that i'm gay, but if i took the therapy, i wouldn't get to see her for a whole month.

.......she said she'd wait for me, that i was worth the wait, and that i was everything she's been looking for. ........i can't express the beauty of hearing those words. not only that, but she kept giving me advice and all, like throughtout all this i shouldn't get into any more trouble, that i should behave for the most part. not only that, but if i had to move out that she'd ask her grandma (the relative she's living with) if i could move in with her. also, she asked to see me yesterday i think it was, just for like 5mins or so. she gave me one of her bracelets so i'd have something to remember her by if i really wasn't gonna see her for a whole month (heh, funny story behind it but i'd suck at telling about it XD ).

now, i'm summarizing the events that've happened over these past three days in this one entry.

today, i had my final exam in english, i think it went well. but afterwards i came home and got online for a bit. chatted with my g/f for a while. we were talking about the presents i was gonna mail out to my cousins and how i thought i needed to give them something more. then she mentioned that she'd have a 30min break today, so of course i said that i'd come over ^__^ brought her dinner (+1 my grandma's cooking since i can't cook s**t XD ), twas nice and all ^__^ so on the way home i was thinking about how she's really special to me as well. that if it wasn't for her that i prolly wouldn't be handling my folks the way i was. ....i was grateful for all the strength she had given me to keep my head up high and not only that .....but by being around her i could actually.....smile.

so i finally get home, eat a bit, get online since the plans i had were cancelled with all this "me coming out" drama. this weekend, sam was gonna come over after work and spend the night here, then saturday we'd hang out, maybe see a movie, then i'd sleep over at her place, then sunday, more hanging out but we'd go to my mom's church from 7pm-9pm :p i like the way sam described it, we'd commit our sins throughout the weekend then repent at church :p ....but like i said those plans were cancelled......... but ******** lucky for me, my mom came home in a good mood biggrin i made her coffee and she finally hugged me and all (she was coming home from church so all hail the joy of going to church :p ) anyways i asked her if i could see sam tommorrow since we had made plans earlier, told her that we'd just watch tv and that i'd be home early if she liked. .....she looked at me with a serious stare and said ".....you're just watching tv?", i immediatly replied yes, then she kinda tried changing the subject but i asked again if it'd be alright with her, that i'd call her and everything. she finally said just to call her at work with our schedule.

all praise the miracle of christmakkah!!!! xd xd xd

afterwards my mom got her divorce papers back from my dad and he's accusing her of alot of s**t that's not true, so while i'm all giddy my mom's in even more hell. i was chatting with sam again around this time and telling her that i was kinda scerred to say anything to my mom right now in fear of her saying that i can't see sam tommorrow :p ....but i love my mom and i can't let her be down while i'm so flippin happy. so sam told me to make her coffee without asking if she wanted it, i did that, brought it to my mom, and the first thing she says is "....did sam tell you to make this?" in my head i'm laughin my a** off but i play it off with a nod of my head and she tells me to tell sam thank you :p

my mom's sleeping right now so everything's alright ^__^ but i think i learned something just now. being gay is one thing, you accept it and go on, .....but being able to live with others close to you while having them know that you're gay is a totally different matter....it's hard......but if you look at it as a new experience....it's quite beautiful.