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my crap
crap about my crap
new poem
heya ppl, finished another emo poem. goes along with "Helena" by My Chemical Romance

Endless Nights by Crissy K
There you go.
How they hurt, truths,
Where's my way out again?
In shards....
My view of you.

Burning up, this pain that
Latches on to
Obliterate
The lives
Of everyone you screwed.
Crashed to the ground, I break,
From all your damn mistakes.
Left on my own, insane,
What kept me whole is gone tonight.

Why'd it all turn out this way?
Broke us all, led us astray.
So gone and this night's
So long, endless nights.

Shamed my life,
With every scar
You've brought me to tears again.
This harm,
The very hurt you sewed.

Left all alone, I ache.
It's just too much to take.
These wounds hurt more each day.
Can't look at you, be gone tonight.

Why'd it all turn out this way?
Broke us all, led us astray.
So gone and this night's
So long, endless nights.

Well if you carry on this way,
Things aren't better if you stay.
Its wrong but what's right
On long endless nights.

Can you hear me?
Are you near me?
Let's find an end
Where you have been forgiven,
Where both our scars subside.

Why'd it all turn out this way?
Broke us all, led us astray.
So gone and this night's
So long, endless nights.

Well if you carry on this way,
Things aren't better if you stay.
Its wrong but what's right
On long endless nights.






User Comments: [6] [add]
3m0ness
Community Member
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commentCommented on: Fri Aug 18, 2006 @ 10:08pm
:O "left on my own, insane"

So your name is Crissy K?

I've never heard Helena. Also, I think it's kind of weird how your poem has a chorus. I guess if you want it to go with a song, you'd have to, but... :/


commentCommented on: Fri Aug 18, 2006 @ 10:12pm
cry so beautiful.....:sniff:



Robo Bunny
Community Member
Zaruke
Community Member
avatar
commentCommented on: Fri Aug 18, 2006 @ 10:52pm
Hmmmm..quite interesting. I like it. I'm fond of gloomy poems and such.
Let me know what you think of this.

Im in my room with the door locked and shut
Trying hard to stitch together my cuts
I once was numb, thought I never would feel
My wounds are deep can you help me heal?
To my darkened world you shed some light
Your voice always takes away my plight
I Lept into the light just for you
Depite a unpleasent thought or two
I suffer constantly from inner torment
But for you I'll keep it dormant
Memories for others seem to bring joy
But to this person they only destroy
Dont be sad for me because I'm still alive
And the reason is you, you're what helps me survive


It's real old, wrote it for my 1st girlfriend and I don't really write nice stuff anymore.


commentCommented on: Fri Aug 18, 2006 @ 10:56pm
**commenting backwards**

This one is a bit harder to follow than the last. The "emo" is easy to pick out, but unlike the last one the theme here is a little harder to latch on to. I really like the rythmn of
Quote:
can you hear me?
are you near me?
let's find an end
where you have been forgiven
where both our scars subside


and how it gives the possibility of hope...



Cryllia
Community Member
RottingCorpse
Community Member
avatar
commentCommented on: Fri Aug 18, 2006 @ 11:26pm
" I break
from all your damn mistakes "
Wow I really love that line.
I love the Helena song and the way you've changed it makes it better!


commentCommented on: Sat Aug 19, 2006 @ 07:12pm
I am thoroughly in love with your creative idea of taking a song from The Band I Worship My Chemical Romance and incorporating your own interpretations into the grand scheme.

Some things I really enjoyed in this poem are how the rhymes aren't blatantly displayed. They are conveyed subtly, but enough to be cleverly sensed throughout the poem's entire spew. I also really admired how you were able to describe the depth of the pain so vividly and you avoided the use of generic words.

its wrong but what's right
on long endless nights


This line was the one that really got to me. I could just imagine how things in their relationship had gone so painfully and chaotically awry; everything became so jaded and warped that it was impossible to salvage anything good anymore. It was inpossible to see a silver lining on the dark storms that had clouded over their connection.

I think it was great for you to end the poem on this line because it really sums things up neatly, but there's still that element of pain that comes to sting you.

The only criticism I would really give you is that perhaps you should capitalize the beginning of each new sentence or thought. I wouldn't say you have to go so far as punctuating, though, because I kind of like how it flows without any periods or question marks to disrupt the path.



Elsewise
Community Member
User Comments: [6] [add]
 
 
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