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******** blondes walking up the halls
down the halls
up the stairs
I can't get a moment of peace.
There they go, heels clicking to and fro
Where else can I hide one might ask...
No where
No where but here.

My grandpa is in the ICU as of yesterday. Please pray or wish or hope, whatever you can manage, that he has the best send-off possible. I got to tell him that I love him and see him today... err yesterday I suppose. My brother was there with me and my dad. My aunt, grandma, and uncle with his wife came too. My brother and I drove together. I felt like he was so much stronger than me about this whole thing. I cried with my grandma. I wept when I first heard he was in the ICU too. I keep thinking about him. I was distraught at first when I knew he was in the ICU and I hadn't hugged him Saturday. I wanted to hug him. That was the only thing going through my mind was how I wasn't able to hug him because of my voice. My voice that made me sound sick...

Being able to see him and realize that he is near the end made me feel better as long as I said I loved him and that he was surrounded by those that love him. His children are all near him and even three grandchildren--Matt, me and my bro. This week will be hard. Weare not going to LA as planned for Thanksgiving due to the way things are now... but we had my mom's party for her friends. We have gone shopping twice, once with Mindy and yesterday with just the two of us. We witnessed a car accident on our way. Things are not going well in my life right now.

Little things cheer me up but it saddens me that... well to put it bluntly, no one seems to care. It's a fleeting thought. Hahaa. Yea. My brother cares after all. My dad cares. My friends all care. They just aren't online all the time and don't have stalker tendencies like me ^^" Yes, they all care. It was the sweetest thing, my brother held me as we were walking out of the hospital. It was really cold and he put gloves on my hands and held me close as we walked to the car. We looked like a couple. LOL. He's the sweetest... I'm so lucky. I don't ever want to imagine him leaving this world... that I could not bear. I do not want to bear at this moment.