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Tonight was freaking.. crazy for me, I swear. Not OMGPARTAAAY crazy, just... really emotional.. crazy. I dunno. Lately nothing had been bothering me nor did I expect anything to happen to me tonight, but.. ugh. I guess something did happen. It was sort of like a train of.. DRAMA hitting you right there and your back was turned.

I had a normal day, y'know? But then when I went on the computer, I kinda just expected the usual night. But.. nah. It's kind of a long story and I don't want to explain the entire thing, but I'll just try my best in telling the story and keep it as short as possible.

BUT FIRST, A SHORT BACKSTORY!

[Backstory: Went off at a friend, he got mad, we don't talk, I get emotionally affected, he seems.. to not give a s**t. Multiple tries to apologize to him formally, chances to do that never come.]

Logged in the usual places. Meebo, Gaia, Tumblr, & Facebook. Kinda just went.. normally. lol. Don't know how to explain that even simpler. But anyways, my friend (who hadn't really done much on Facebook) started doing random stuff on it, it appears on my feed. ..and.. well, heres what happened.

Me: -sees stuff about him on my feed- ..oh.. him.. -cringes a little bit-
-comments on one of his stuff-

A few minutes later..

Me: -gets mail from him, telling me to text someone (a mutual friend)-
Uh, okay.. -texts-

Mutual friend texts back: (this is basically what all he said) UR A STUPID UGLY b***h THAT'S FAT HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Me: .....um..wtf? -is actually kinda hurt-

Yeah, I know. He's stupid, I shouldn't care. But still, I'm still sensitive Vanessa. I actually get hurt by these kinds of things, even if I know they're not true. But yeah, that's only part of what happened. He kind of lowered my happiness quite a bit, and I wasn't really in the mood for anything else.

Me: -messages friend- Uhm.. wtf is wrong with ____?

Him: Yeah I know, talk to you tomorrow about that.

Me: -inside- D: wtf

My other friend IM's me, and I start ranting about my friend again. I've been in aloooottttt of pain lately, and usually I would be over this kind of stuff.. but for some reason it's been WEEKS and I haven't made much progress. But anyways..

Other friend: -insert encouraging words here- just try

Me: I'VE BEEN TRYING! You have NO idea how much I've tried and still I have this pain. It's not like I WANT to have this! I have literally tried EVERYTHING you've told me to do, and it only seems to be a temporary remedy. _______ just keeps bringing me down! I can't STAND IT. I hate this. (<------ What I wanted to say.) -is crying the whole conversation-

We had this looooonggg conversation about me trying to be better and how he was going to help me, but ******** this is going on for weeks and weeks and I'm still in pain. GRAAAAAAAAH.

Idk. One day this will all be better. One day.

~Vanessa