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Back to gaia for a short time. God, s**t has changed... But, I probably won't be back on for some time. Gaia is all confusing and s**t now. It used to be simpler though xD

Now, things are different. I'm 17. I'm wiser, a better person, a better musician, etc. And I've given up all hope on girls. At least it feels like I have. I don't care as much now that I'm surrounded by girls I enjoy being around. But school starts next Monday and that may very well change. But, it'll be nice for a change of scenery

I also feel scared. Like for my life. My dad told me, "Everyone falls through the cracks of life." And we all know friends don't always stay friends after high school. You know where this is going. Yeah, I'm moping again. What else have I ever done on gaia?

Adults have to take care of their own s**t, and they have to handle everything that gets laid in front of them. I'm being ******** LOADED with s**t to keep up with. Cousins, guitar lessons, friends, family, a band, school soon, spinal disfunction... The list continues but that's all that comes to mind. Adults need to do all that only probably 10x worse.

Basically, I'm scared like a ******** shitbag to grow up and be alone. Handle everything by myself with nobody to fall back to or help me up if I fall. And Topher's been too busy with Maci and life in general and it feels like I'm losing my best friend ever. Topher always has been. And in a serious way. Like I could always trust him. But I haven't seen head or tail of him much and I get the feeling I'm already falling through the cracks of life.

So, aside from my fears of maturity, I got in a band and my dad's gonna help me make an album. Music to publish. Sounds great

In short...

I want to fall back into a supportive friend
I want to stop being so hopeless with women
I want to feel useful
I want to be a good friend
I want to be a man without being so alone
I want friends to keep after high school
I want to live the life I have right now forever


I'm stressed. I'm scared. I'm a senior. I'm a ******** (Sorry I acted so harsh, Melly). I'm a guitarist. I'm a musician. I'm a semi-intense gamer. Things aren't much different, except now I use facebook and I'm over Mae. No matter what kind of good mood I'm in, the impending heart attack of growing up is coming for me. And nobody really cares. And since everyone knows that I never use gaia, they might not even see this. This could have easily gone on FB, but if it did, it would've been public.

heart you : Topher, Rikka, Melly, Yoder, Richie, Kayla CS, and Beka