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I have my presentation today. I was a little ashamed about the topic I chose, until I talked to Andrea about it. She assured me that when you really bond with someone it doesn't matter how long you know them. The bond was there and that's what makes it so special. I vaguely remember her going through something with Amy but it was nice to hear her explain it again to me. It was sad but... it didn't make me feel so alone. I, always feel like such a loser to be unable to forgive her. It's because I can't move on that I espeically want to go into therapy.

HEY
don't touch me.

I got some money today so I know I can eat again if I wanted to but the desire is kind of gone. I miss it... I want to desire food in order to fix my feelings again. Instead I get this stupid emptiness. ********. Don't comment about that. I'm still rather sensitive about it and I had a hard time even talking to Andrea about it. I kinda want to cry now because I've said something. When I go home, my mother actually criticizes everything that I try to eat. "You're going to eat all that?!" Yea mom, it's not that much and I'm not that fat. "You're not fat. It's bad for you. Why don't you have an apple" Don't worry mom. "Why don't you go on a walk?" And that's what it goes to everytime. "Jen you need to be prettier and thinner!" She never says that but, in my mind she does. Nothing is ever enough for her in there. Then again, nothing is ever enough for me in her mind XD Like mother like daughter, no? XD Seriously, don't comment on this paragraph.

STOP IT
don't touch me.

I messaged my Design teacher... and I feel totally retarded. I want to huddle into a corner and die. I... hate myself to the fullest in this moment. I, just... can't stand myself for talking to her. I faced reality and it hurt. It hurt bad. =A= I can't stand for really long periods of time otherwise I shake right now XD I have had about four sodas I think but whatever. It may be another reason why I feel so damn crappy. WHATEVER. Y'know what cheered me up though? I worked on the coding for Angelo a bit today and I think I worked on my demoness yesterday, or really two days ago since I went to sleep about 5 am. XD My sleeping pattern sucks XD I should be writing my essay but I really feel shitty. I should NOT have emailed that teacher.... FAWK