Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

I make myself sick

I am such a creep

I would hate to be me but I can't think of anything else that I can do or be. They are their own selves, they're not me.

I suppose I shouldn't have asked you what it meant but it's really such a thrill to know I'm not alone sometime.

I can't speak to anyone about it cause it's poison and like poison it travels when it's shared.

Well I'm shaking again, are you proud?

Have you ever wondered what dreams would do to keep dreaming? Cause they depend on the dreamer to live, don't they? What if it was the same thing with your mind? To what extremes would your mind go to keep you breathing? Now seriously, think about it.

I kinda wish she was a slut. It would be so much easier to hate her. I could really rebuke her if that was true but she's not. She's a teenager. She won't grow up and I can't blame her for lusting after him like she does.

Haha, you can't be serious. Duality would never become a future. She's only a fragment, a story at best. If you're looking for a path you'd better pay better attention to your feet.

I'm going to bury you, bury you alive. And then, I'll live forever. I'll be the undefeated of all time.

Do you remember that dream? The crushing fear that you'd be alone? When they died you weren't really alone. The fact of the matter is that you haven't been alone since you were in fourth grade.

My animal guide can't protect me but I'd still like to meet it.

I can't tell you why I'm sad here. You should know why I'm sad here. You should remember, but you don't. And I suppose it's just another petty thing I'll remember against you.

I know that I stalk people and everything but... when I stalk people I keep in mind that they have a life separate from me. Sure, I think hey it would be great to meet one day and be friends but I never blame them or get angry for not posting or being active. I mean, really when I see them in other roleplays I'm happy for them. I want them to be having fun and I hate to see them disappointed in me but I feel it anyway. And I hate myself so much more because they are friends in my eyes and I could be doing so much more but I'm not. I know I could be up to their expectations but I'm not. I hate expectations because... I always let people down.

This is just an excuse and I'm sure that I'll regret it later.

Hey did you see her dancing? I swear I haven't had anything like soda or candy today so I know I'm not imagining things. They're so alive tonight. If only you could see.

You want to sleep, do you? You want to dream and delude yourself? I know you hate where you are and what you are but things aren't that simple. When you sleep, you still wake up in the same skin. No one is going to carry you off in the night or wake you from a life of dreams. This is reality, not your world. I'm not sorry.

Can I get a little medicine here? Maybe just some mail so that I can have something to hold onto without the moon. She's gone already and my scars will remain. I can't bear to look at them so give me something else, please. Give me something!

What did you say? Run away? Isn't that what you always say. "Running away solves everything" but it doesn't. It doesn't solve everything. Here in this prison, nothing is ever solved. Nothing is ever fixed.

You need to go home. I know this in my soul that we've been here too long. It has not even been a week and you're already tweaking out. Your mother is not your friend. Your Dad knows your secret. It's dangerous to stay and your brother is never around anyway. Why would you want to be in the place where nothing is waiting for you. HEY! Don't start that s**t again.