I think I've made up my mind on a few things. Though I'll wait a little while before I decide if I wanna truly go with what I've come up with. I'm going slowly insane I think, or I already was but am now even worse. I know at least two -three people who might read this and I say to two of you Please don't comment. Those two know a bit about what I'm talking about when I say I'm having trouble with my life and well I've heard enough at the moment. If anyone speaks to me about my life there is only one who can and they know who they are ...maybe.... I've told them recently that I like talking to them and that they cheer me up just by speaking to me. I know that person might or might not read this. They've read one of my journal entries before and I don't know they may have read more. Most likely not but they might have. I'm ranting if you haven't already noticed. I was talking to two of my friends about my love life and well I became really depressed through the talk. I was not wanting to talk about it much. Especially since it has me confused on if I should have a love life at all. But I'll keep trying to have one. Though if it doesn't happen soon I give up on my part of it. If someone is really out there for me I probably missed them. I didn't say I have I said I might so some of you don't jump to conclusion, though you might anyways. And you might be right too. I whine alot and I know it helps support the idea. I'm just saying I feel strange ever since the conversation a few hours ago. I'm down but at the same time alright with the fact that love might not be for me. I know in every one of these journal entries I sound emo, but journals are for venting when you need to right? Anyways I also have been thinking of maybe going somewhere else other than my state for schooling. I don't know where yet I need to search what has what I want and where all those places are. Then I'll decide. I want a place that's warm and Sunny. I'm picky on my weather. I hat e the cold so I'd like to be somewhere warm and nice. I still wanna go into Graphic Design, maybe Teaching or voice acting....nevermind that last one my voice is horrible. And possible scratch the second one I'm not that smart, I probably shouldn't teach people's kids. And get rid of the first my art sucks as I've been told so no one would want it. I wouldn't be able to make a living out of it. Okay so I don't have that planned out perfectly yet, but I will soon. As I look around my room I can already image packing my things to leave. I've wanted to to so many times. Even pack in middle school and early high school years I planned on leaving. I know a lot of people say to stay as long as you can. But I just feel in the way here and a waste of my parents money. I just wanna leave. They don't really want me here anyways. They say they do in front of other people but I can tell they don't. They've told me plenty of times. And I think they make my insanity worse. though that's what parents do right? Well I don't need it. I have plenty of other things doing so. I don't want to make anyone feel like I'm talking directly to them so I'll say it now. I'M NOT! I'm just ranting in my pissed off depressed mood. While I clean my room. I should be sleeping cause I have work at 11am but I can't sleep so here I am talking on here. I'm going to be tired at work and probably fall asleep when I get home or I'll get stuck being up all day and night again. I have work Saturday as well. and that one is at 7:30am. Fun I know. I'm starting to feel awkward around everyone I know or knew and then started talking to again. I don't know why but everyone I try to talk to I feel like I have nothing to say. Though I know I do. I don't know if it's all just stuck inside or if I really just don't have anything to say. But I feel so strange because I should be talking to them like nothing is wrong. But I can't. Everyone thinks I have a problem at work and I don't know what any of my friends think. Is it strange I can't exactly say this to a person but I can put it on here. I guess I'm hoping the right person reads this and pms me and tries to help. Maybe someone knows how to help me with all this s**t. Maybe someone knows how to help fix me up so I can be the person I need and want to be. I know it's my job, but sometimes people need help and well I'm one of them. I need help before I destroy myself. .... I'll end it on this note and go back to killing my room and trying to be ready for work.
If you read this, I'm sorry if it meant nothing to you, or if you are angry about a part I might have said. I will be ready for whatever kind of thoughts people wanna give me on my stupidity.
If you read this and want to help, I'd appreciate it. I need all the help I can get.
If you read this and know for sure you are someone I was talking about and want to pm me about this go ahead. I'll read it and I might reply, depends I guess. Sorry if any of you think I just need to shut up.
 MorganMcCarthyMomo · Fri Feb 18, 2011 @ 08:45am · 4 Comments |
