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A few downers:
- watched Girl Interrupted
- cockblocked on the profile layout
- missing Sac Anime Con
- lost songs wanted for Ryan
- using comic for roleplay

But at the same time, these are happy things. I love Girl Interrupted, even if it reminds me of her. We were so like that movie... just, different. It was so special. The movie reminds me. Makes me want to write about us. It's kinda good I'm slowing myself down on the profile layout. I know I want to think it through well and it is a good step for me to improve. I'm not going to the con or going home, which means I won't see Dev or get my KH: CoM back.... yet. I want the free Gaia items and to learn of the plans head for the site... I really enjoyed that last time =w= I'm starting to dislike cons I think. I don't have enough friends who like cons and the ones I do have, ditch me. They like crap I don't like, for example the retarded venders hall =A= really? And then they go all fangirl cosplay crazy. Y'know, it's great you do that and I really do respect it but... it also creeps me out in a way and makes me feel left out. I'm not into it that way. I like to know as many series as I can and write with them in mind or draw. You... imitate them. o.o It's totally different. I'm glad not to feel torn there or restricted to follow you. I don't want to run into anyone either. There are more people to run into now than in the summer. Besides that, I get more time for roleplaying, chatting with online friends, and I can get homework done ahead of time C; cause I totally will tomorrow. GO GO GO JEN! And then I had this amazing playlist ready for my charrie Ryan... but I restarted by ipod's songs by playing the stupid videos in class... cause I didn't give a s**t about the lecture and had been drinking. Meh, just means I gotta listen through them again and... that's not bad at all XDD It makes me a little sad to make the comic into a roleplay but it's good to flesh it out more. I don't like all the character so far but [/ shrug] isn't that half the danger of a roleplay?

I keep drinking. It soothes me.

Dakuo didn't tell me about his suicidal intentions or streak and really, I expected that. I don't expect him to either. It's his struggle and if he wants me to know, he'll tell me. Perhaps I have more faith in him than I should, but I've dealt with suicidal people before. Not to belittle him or anything but his attempts... I don't know if they could really be called attempts.... I don't know though. He doesn't talk to me about it. I would love to know specifics. I mean, almost everyone knows that I cut myself. I still have the scars to prove it. They were shallow but... I made them all over my body in a fit of rage. Then I had those night, which are like his im guessing, where I researched overdose and held a knife to my skin. Only, unlike him I'm guessing, my mind kept saying "Not yet... Not yet" and it hurt so bad.

Suicide stuff isn't really all that hard to understand. From what I've heard and experienced it's mostly about the pain you feel and how you deal with it. Some people feel so numb they just want to feel something. Others feel so much but can't tell anyone so they show it on their skin. And even more people don't think they are in pain, but they are. They have lost the point in life and have become blinded. They don't know where else they can turn but there. I think there are few people who actually have the situation where it would truly be better if they died, like they are starving and such, but it's okay that we all feel it. It's okay to say to yourself "I don't exist" because that's how you grow. You face that person and battle with them for as long as it takes. Where does it take you after that, I haven't the faintest clue and personally, I think it's better that way C;