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Mmm~ I am happy

I have a roleplay. This makes me happy.

It feels like everything else is dead but this. This I have. This one roleplay. Thank you =w=

I can fangirl once more and make new friends. People like me, or at least they seem to. I like my characters, though they confuse and challenge me a bit. Both males as per usual.

I had a soda so that helped keep me on the up and up as well.

It was unbearably hot today. Thank goodness I have not been in Sac for those hot days, I would have never come out at all. However, since I am in San Fran, I went to my classes fine. I danced all over the place, which kept me nice and awake all day.

The guy who I had my eye on, seems to look at me. He doesn't say anything though. I know I'm intimidating and all, being a girl and y'know just how my character is but [/ sigh] shy guys are so troublesome. Men in general are troublesome. I'm not chasing him. I'm not even that interested. It's just... he catches my eye and interests me for whatever reasons. I don't mind getting to know him but I won't perish if I don't either. I'm not head over heels or anything.

[/ sigh] my parents are so empty-headed sometimes. I have used almost all of my special stash of money that was supposed to be mine from working on groceries since they never gave me more money. Then my Dad asks... how much do you need? I'm like... well ********, y'know. I just went through two months on my own so... yea I kinda need a full ******** refill. But I am polite and understanding. They don't live with me. It's reasonable not to know this kind of thing. I just thought he might remember me after one month. Then again, it takes a while to get back into the routine. [/sigh] I guess i only get worked up cause it was my money I earned from working. I was saving it up and spent it on groceries... LIKE I ALWAYS ******** DO! My Christmas money always goes to supporting me. I don't buy dresses or games (well not entirely. I spend maybe fifty on games but otherwise, yes). Any gift money goes to supporting myself. Yes, it bothers me. No, I don't like being supporting. But at the same time, I don't like using this money I save for fun stuff on groceries cause then you b***h to me about not using my own money. Hmmm, well gee, I wonder where all my fun money goes? >.>

[/ cracks knuckles] Doesn't bother me all that much, only when I think about it.

I am trying a new make-up think where I put eye stuff on O___O I know im pretty but I don't know anything about make-up. My mother never taught me. She let me play with it but never taught me. She took away the stuff I liked cause it was like rouge red XDD of course. When we did get make-up for me for like gifts, it was the shitty kid crap. That stuff felt weird and didn't stay well so I didn't like playing with it much. I associated make-up with popular girls. I thought the best beauty was the natural beauty. I thought I would only fall in love with someone who saw my natural beauty. I thought that was enough.... Well child self, it's not. And I'm trying.

I know too that my weight is better than most but for some reason, I've got it drilled in my head that it's never good enough. I'm never pretty enough or thin enough or elegant. I'm sexy but not the kind of girl you drive fifty miles to see. I'm not that girl to anyone. I do have good days where I feel so amazing. Music helps me so much. Without it, my self perception would take so long to turn good. Music, electrifies me. Without ever experiencing any drugs, I feel the music under my skin. At any time it will jolt me and pull me in. I can be taken to another plane. It's beautiful. I am special. I am one of a kind. I am pretty and I am kind. I am Jennifer.