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I find it odd... Something about Advent Children puts me in a self-detesting position... Wondering about things like forgiveness, isolation, and affection. What of that will I ever have? I don't feel very special to anyone. I don't think I ever have been to anyone except my dad...

I've done some stupid things, made stupid decisions, and felt things I don't think I'm supposed to. Is everything that's happened to me in this lifetime part of the after-effect of something I did in the past? Am I single, uninteresting, depressed, and lonely because of some I did wrong? Is it all because of a sin?

Like I said, I'm lonely. I am. Not a lot of close friends left. Some people I thought I'd be friends with forever turned out to be people I didn't think they were. Others moved away. Others don't bother with contact. And, I miss them. Another thing I miss is having someone to tell me that I'm not alone. Sorta like Brittany said but never meant. Now that I have no neighbors that're my close friends like Hannah used to be, it's like living on an island. (Begging for a Police reference there)

And then, I have people who tell me they love but don't mean it in the slightest. Is it too much to ask for someone who can stand next to me and not lie to me? Apparently so. There's only my mom's family's side that are that way. My mom's lied to me and told me to ******** off. So, what're the chances any person who isn't related to me and just meets me has any reason to stay with me? Friends can tell you they care all they want, but they leave eventually...

So, as I sit here with this stupid look on me, I'm wondering if anyone will ever read this. The whole reason I put this s**t anywhere is so that facebook isn't exposed to it

While it's on gaia, anybody can see it, but nobody knows it's me. Nobody but my "friends." I guess I should let them all go now, shouldn't I?