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I want to dry sometimes when I see his posts on Facebook. The day he added me I freaked out with joy. I know that it was only because other Oakmont people had added me or that Facebook had recommended me, but all the same it made me feel special.

His face is the kind of godlike beauty you hear talked about with classical statues. Like them, I admire him from afar. I reminisce on times of old where he and I would play on the same volleyball court. Banter would ensue between points. My clever little setter was all the more spunky because of his height. Perhaps it was because of him that I turned my passions towards shorter men. In search of someone like him, I shall never be successful.

Ah, and if you only knew the piercing blue eyes he had. I was only fourteen, an age long past, but I still remember. I imagine them and hope he feels a chill. I dream about making myself known to him. One day while he is bar tending, I'll flash my short hair and smile coyly. Will he remember me? In some he is the brute that ignores me or laughs at my silly flirtations. He's seen it all before. He's a player and I'll have to do better. In other dreams he remembers me and eagerly asks about my life. Though he is busy he tries to engage. I offer to meet up after his shift, promising to wait around until then. I know I could make a fool of myself then, dancing to the music or avoiding flirtations with other men. I would be that sad puppy that follows him around from then after. I couldn't stand that. He would want me strong. He would want the warrior that he knew back then.

When did I change?

Yes, this man is one that I've had my eye on for a very long time. I don't think I'll ever make a move. I don't feel like I'm worthy of his love or even his attention. My Adonis is fine where he is. I don't think he could ever want me. Maybe one day, I won't want him any more.