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I miss roleplaying. I try to think of things for Silleh and I, but I have no motivation? I have started to believe it is dead and so my brain refuses to put any more effort into it. I'm almost certain that I'll be quitting Gaia. I'll probably come back much later but it has become a depressing place. All the updates for cash items are disheartening. I no longer feel any connection with the site and the friends that I have made here. Yes, I love them but I don't feel that tie to get online and speak to them.

Maybe it's the depression? No one can really reach me. I prefer to be alone and I've really dug in to books and movies. I think about hurting myself. Then again, I also have discussions about why not to do these terrible things to myself. I am trying to rebuild my confidence and faith in myself. Even though I have been on my meds for about two weeks now, something feels different. I don't know it if the weather is affecting me or if it still has to do with the time of the year. Will I always have these issues?

I'm semi-attractive. I've been able to work out at least once or twice a week with the encouragement of watching movies while I do my exercises. Queen of multi-tasking, as always ;P

If I do leave Gaia for some time, I'll work on the storylines in my head for when I come back. I have a Kingdom esque one that needs a lot of prep work and I can hash out more the witch one that I had planned. If I was desperate I could also work on Escape, the experiments one. I'll always have my circus roleplay close to my head. I'll only bring that one back if I find a small group of three or four that I could really count in. Sigh, that would be the best ever. That would keep me here, forever. Double sigh.

Our kitchen is still all torn up. I don't hate it as much but it's still infuriating. The warm weather draws me outside so I'm not thinking about it as much. Also, I'm rarely on my computer anymore. I'm super behind in classes but let's keep that a secret.

I want to date someone else before summer comes. I still haven't kissed Brandon and I totally need to. Ionno. Making friends and really talking to people has become really hard. I'm shutting myself away.