I just want things to be more even. I... don't want to be the weak one in the relationship or be the ******** girl all the time. I want to be strong and capable in the same way as you. In your eyes I have to earn it and fight my way for it but you play by different rules than me. While I think about being responsible and safe, you go all out and end up injuring yourself a little on the way just to get ahead of me. I'm going to hurt you from now on. From now on, I'm not going to be as sweet or considerate. I'm going to ******** you up.
When I got home from work today, I cried for an hour straight. Literally from 2 till 3, I was crying. It wasn't those howling, air sucking cries but I wasn't laying in my bed letting tears fall down either. He is breaking my heart into pieces. It is broken because yesterday he shut me out twice. Once was a sex thing so I understood but the second was because I told him why I was upset on a walk. I denied him a kiss and he totally shut down. It's ******** childish and totally ******** me over because I want to tell him things but then he reacts like that to everything, which breaks me. Additionally, he seems to think that sex is a romantic thing for us to share. Getting his jollies off is not my idea of a ******** romantic night or even expressing my love. All those ******** people that think sex is love are wrong. You're so ******** wrong. I can never ever think of it that way because it is a service. I am giving pleasure to you or receiving it. Love has nothing to do with it. It's just two people trying to get off.
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Fragmented Self who wanders through life like a dreamer and wades through the river of dreams as though it were the only truth left in this world
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