My parents teamed up with our neighbors across the way to install a new lighting/fan in my room, finally. Lol. It is wonderful. The fans make this low hum noise and it is so high up that I can't hit it with my raised arms anymore.
The cat has been hysterical lately about sleeping with me. In the middle of the night she jumps up and tries to burrow under the covers with me. Half the time I'm so exhausted that I kick her off the bed. She gets in my way of spreading out and my bed isn't that big.
I might go on a hike tomorrow. I can't be alone right now without some kind of activity. Today when my parents went to Monks as a break from the fan, I was left alone in the house and started shaking. In the garage I paced and tried to wrestle control back. I ended up blasting music to calm myself. We didn't have any internet connection because the power was out in half the house, to install the fan. When they got back, I polished off a cider pretty fast. I ended up sleeping it off. I still felt like there was nothing I could do. Oh, but I made a fire too.
Christy is drawing again. She bought one of my favorite books for my birthday: Book of Enchantments by Patricia Wrede. It's a bunch of fantasy short stories. When I was over, she was buy making a cake for the weekend trip to visit one of her sisters. She seems both content and bored. It's an odd combination, lol.
I didn't eat dinner since I slept after getting drunk. I'm pretty hungry atm. I have work at 7:30 so leave the house around 7:10. It's almost 4:00 am right now. I'm not sure if it would be worth it or not.
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Me?
I've killed a bit of my love for him before. I don't think I should again.
We finished KH2. We quit our games. What now?
There must be a price.
There must be some evidence.
There will be proof.
But I'll never break over a man.
I won't die for another.
Things aren't easily fixed.
You don't fix people. You don't repair them.
People are mended and nurtured. It can't be forced.
Change. Can't. Not. Me. By.
But I love me.
........................................................................to a point.
Promise me you'll dance in that dress again C:
[ blasting music again ] I'm sorry.
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Fragmented Self who wanders through life like a dreamer and wades through the river of dreams as though it were the only truth left in this world
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