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"There is no us. There is no future of us. There is no chance of me ever

coming back whatsoever."

I think those are the words that always stopped me from reading your email to the fullest without crying. I mean, who wouldn't break down after reading something like this from someone that they love?

But, finally, I took the time to actually read the final words you've left me without tears in my eyes and without my heart pacing from all the horrible things you've said about me and oh boy there is a lot of terrible things said about me. Not that I would disagree with them.

I'm not writing this to either bash in what the last words were said or to belittle how you've felt about the ending and all; I'm just addressing each point I read with how I feel now and where I've grown to.

Ironical I say "where I've grown to" as that's the first point put against me; Maturity. You go in a little about me never really growing and always reverting back to "the same you" and I'm assuming that means the lying and cheating Dom which is true; I always honeyed you with sweet words to have you back into my life while never really having any true change. You'd later go on about examples like not taking my A+ or wanting to stay with you in your place but those aren't fair points: My A+ wasn't my fault; It was a technical issue that wasn't my fault and I still have to pay money to get it done and why wouldn't I want to live with someone that I feel so happy with?

About the actual experience down there on your birthday: I'm sorry. That was literally something so unknown and foreign to me that I don't even know what happened entirely. You've told me detail of things I did and I still can't admit that I remember them exactly. Regardless if I have consciousness of committing some of the terrible things you've listed in your final message, I'm still sorry for what happen and I honestly don't deserve you after all that happened between us when I was down there... I wasn't Me and you have all the right to think of me as some Monster for what happened.


You tell me about all the pain I've put you through and I have no excuse for my actions. There is nothing I can say to defend myself and act like I didn't do something ******** awful to you; I did commit what I've done to you and I did it without a second thought because I never thought I would get caught. When I was caught, you forgave me and took me back which just enabled my terrible habits. It is better for you to be away from me because of what I've done without worrying about your feelings. On that note, I will say this one thing: If you actually told me how

much I was hurting you instead of enabling my terrible behavior, maybe I would

have stopped. Regardless of lack of

communication: You didn't deserve what I put you through.

The email continues to explain to me all the things I've put you through and I can't sit here acting like nothing ever happened or that I am innocent of doing any of it. There isn't a single part of me that feels that what you've decided for yourself is unfair or unjust; I know I deserve this distance between us and I deserve to never see you again or talk to you again.

The biggest thing that hurts me to read, since it's true, is:

"You always did and continue to do whatever you want. Even against

my words... Not caring about others.

Their wishes, their concerns, only what you want."

I never really thought that I was so greedy to be viewed this way. But, a villain doesn't look in the mirror and see fault in his ways; After all, he's the hero of his own stories; How could he be wrong without being told he's wrong? Without truly believing he's wrong? That's what makes me different from the boy who hurt you to the slightly older boy who still isn't over the soft smiles you once gave me; I'm admitting I'm the Monster that you're saying I am and I'm not saying it to win you back but because it's true.

I wish I could say, "But I always cared about you...! But we'd both just laugh at the joke of it. It's a joke because my actions have never really shown that I cared an ounce about your feelings/thoughts/intentions as I've never gave thought to anything more than my own ambitions when it came to you. When can I hold her? When can I kiss her? I miss her so much. I want her so badly. Are the realest thoughts I've had about you. It doesn't mean I haven't had moments where I thought about your problems or concerns; They weren't important enough to me at the time.

The rest of the email details my true person; A liar and manipulator. As you've seen the real me, you describe me as many things that you are just in calling me. You tell me that nothing will ever gain forgiveness and nothing I ever do will ever bring us together again which is true.

"I'll say it before and I'll say it again. It was a good con. You almost had me played for a fool like the other girls. But i learned. I wised up and became tired of being mistreated. This was the final straw. "

I wish I could finally obey what you want me to do; Leave you alone entirely. But, I'm just so stuck on you that even this moment... I still only think about my own feelings before your own.

I honestly hope you are happy. I honestly hope you are doing amazing and that you're having the best time of your ever; You've found the man/woman that you want to marry. Having the best sex you've ever experienced, finding money in places that you didn't think you'd find them, eating food that makes your mouth water, sleeping sound dreams at night. I hope, to the bottom of my heart, that you'll never come back to me and talk to me. I want you to be happy and I'm happy for you being away from me.