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how i feel about what happened |
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i don't really what 2 say... like when i told him the truth about my past relationships, i just feel like i don't deserve him. i gave up all my guy friends 4 him probably except 1 (but i really don't call him or be around him) and i feel like he has some insecurity going on. I kno 4 my age, i probably don't know what love is or how it completely feel like cuz i've never been in love b4, i may have thought that i once was in love but, if that guy really loved me like he said he did, then he'd still be here no matter what. But i guess i'm starting 2 kno what love truely is which is exceptance and the strong feelings u have 4 another person, because i'm experiencing it now 4 the 1st time. Yeah there's ups and downs but, u have 2 truely love the person or care about them 2 stay. i feel like after tellin him and seeing the expression on his face was like... wtf ,y am i with her or what kind of girl is she really or she could b cheating on me or maybe he expects me 2 ...i don't kno y??? Like b4 i told him the truth behind the facts i told him... it just brought me back 2 the past, and i hate that. I didn't have a good childhood at home or at school, i had no friends, my dad wasn't really there , my mother worked and boys...what!! please i got played everyday (made fun of) and i always got in trouble whether it was home or at school cuz kids at school didn't like me so they got me in trouble on a daily bases. As i got older like 10 or11 the guys started likeing me, so False rumors would spread and make me look bad and have people judge me without knowing the truth or knowing the rumor was a lie or not. And at one time i used 2 just b mean cuz the crap i went through at home and at school and this boy named Tyrone asked me 4 my sharpener one day and i said no mad rude(i said no in a rude way) and i'll never forget what he said, he said u will b lonely 4 the rest of ur life... and u know what, it's funny cuz when i go through guy problems i think about that and how true it is... who knows if me and my boyfriend stay together, he's insecure im insecure so what the hell... What do u think*sighs* So u kno what im staying faithful 2 myboyfriend like always because i love him and im not afraid 2 show it or say it, i'll still continue 2 love him but, God forbid if we break up i won't b able 2 be with anybody else, i'd probaly flirt like crazy, and if i would decide 2 date i would just run through them like the rest because i would be hurt and unable 2 trust ever again but yeah, he says he love me, I mean it but does he? So u kno yeah personally i'm seriously unhappy i have no value to my self as much, look at my past, i mean now, after a guidence Councilor spoke with my mom and i got out some of my pain from the past, she understands now a lil more and is more nicer, i have a boyfriend that she excepts (i believe she knows we go out), people at school...ah i have a fair amount of people i hang wit and i got a summer job...but i can't c my best friend cuz my mother don't like her and it's not her friend 2 choose cuz i'm 18 i should be able 2 make my own choices plus i parents make me feel locked down like a caged bird but other then that things r fine. But one day u may have the world but the next day u may lose it all at once...that's how i c it
 ms.kisses8 · Mon Jul 10, 2006 @ 07:11am · 0 Comments |
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