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<center> I feel so good about so much bad
</center>
I want to cry again.
Just because I am sad and pity myself, though. Its nice though, atleast I don't want to die.
Allow me to sum up all that has occured.
Shadow has given the final no on our friendship. Yesterday, I had tried to sit down and talk to him like a normal person, like an adult as you would put it. He yelled and screamed at me, venting I suppose. He told me that he needed to think about our friendship. Part of him wanted to be my friend, but the other part didn't because Brandon doesn't like me now and he doesn't want Brandon to make fun of him. =_= What's sad is that he honestly meant that, how pathetic dose someone have to be? I mean xd if he really was my friend that wouldn't be a matter. I suppose though, that this is for the best. I wouldn't use him anymore, but my word isn't enough. He takes this internet friendship thing to seriously. Ay, the poor thing. I wish I could huggle him and make all I did go away. If I could go back in time I wouldn't hav lied to the kid, I would be diffrent.
xd But no use crying over spilled milk~! I can rest easy now that this was settled the adult way whee
I have come to the conclusion I am not a fit person to be in a realtionship. =_= I don't know why i think that, but something just tells me I can't do it. Me and...people in that way, just doesn't work out. xp But I will keep my romantic dream that one day I'll find the right guy and be happy.
I had an akward dream last night. It was so... xp something abotu me and dreaming is so odd. I mean, most people have dreams abotu silly thing or things that don't make sense. Every dream I have ever had is always so chronological. My brain is full of so many stories and fantasties I wish I could scribble down because the stuff I dream of is just so...amazing. Stuff that would definatly sell if I wrote a book. The one last night had its order, its myseries and lies reveald, and there was this horrendous monster at the end...I have never seen or dreamed anything so scary before. It didn't scare me though, like...I wasn't frighitng. Though in the dream its purpous was to kill me sweatdrop I love that dream, and if I had the enery to I'd write it down.
Heh, why am I so energyless, ne? I just got done fighting with my mom. xp If she ever hits me I know I'ma hit her back... gonk She puts to much responcibility on me and when I told her about it she flipped. =_= all 'cause the damn dishes weren't done and suddenly its my fault. Its a long story, I'd rather not discuss it so soon. But there was alot of yelling and screaming and me crying. She doesn't like that I am confident in myself now, it bugs the ******** out of her. Its very strange, to me; she said I'm having a 'rebellious phase'; teh, if the b***h only knew. No, she does know but she doesn't want to think its true. This is who I am, this is who I want to be and I am happy; and she can't mold me into what she wants now and will deny it till her end.
Some people aren't fit to be parents, and she's one of them.
I feel so confused abotu everything recently. But...to me, its okay smile Because I know as long as I trust and believe in myself, it will all be okay in the end. No matter what happens, no matter how ******** up or cruel it is...in the end, its resolved. In the end, I get over it and move on. Why? Because I'm strong like that.
And nothing will ever change that wink
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