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Oooooh Angsty Angsty! Pursuing Vindication Just because I'm not what you wanted me to be Just because I'm not what you imagined Way back when I was just a single thought In your pretty teenage head Does not mean I'm the devil here You made me what you could And then you tried too hard I plucked my feathers one at a time Just to see the pain rise up On your pretty grown-up face Parental figure Guardian angel Prison guard Psychic mind reader My scapegoat Who cares for the blood the razor brings to the surface My pain is just a small sacrifice for your tears Watching you clean my blood from the floor Knowing you blame yourself You should When I was little I wanted to be like you My mother, so pretty and perfect and kind And then "God" took the other one It should have been you You stupid angel with your loving smile I know I shouldn't blame your innocence But someone needs to take this guilt And on your knees scrubbing the hate stained floor You make the perfect victim You're so god damned easy to cut Parental figure Dying angel Blind watch dog Schizophrenic psychic My tormented victim Taste the hate that seeps from my pores Come on mom, sample my scorn Stand before me with your withering wings And tell me why your "God" took him It should have been you! This is all your fault This blood I'm spilling The dark I'm spreading The hate I'm feeding Because you're still here you ruined angel I know you bribed him you stupid whore That's why my body's sap is falling Upon your god forsaken floor For you to mop up with your horrid love Because I Blame You... Parental figure Sacrificial angel Unwavering vindicator Forgiving discerner My innocent martyr I'm sorry... Blah. That's generally how I feel about that poem. I'm torn between wanting to let my mom read it and wanting to hide it from her and everyone else that might look at me differently for it. It was written for her to read...I set out with the intent to appologize for the way I became a b*h after my dad died and hurt her so many times and such. It sucks, because my mom isn't open minded enough to see this as an explaination and appology...instead she'd see it as an attack, and a fact of how I feel about her, when it's not really. I was very, very surprised that this is what came out when I set out to write this poem. I had meant to write an appology to explain why I was the way I was and how I didn't really WANT to be, I just was instinctively because I hurt inside, but I guess I had more issues inside than I thought when I wrote this. I think I'm growing braver though...and she might end up reading this...of course I doubt anyone would leave a message about it here to help me out any. eek EDIT:: I editted it a bit, made three spots italicized, felt it would set that part apart from the rest, which is the point. It's supposed to be a break and a shifting. ninja**

Posted by: Rass Mon Jan 10, 2005 @ 01:36pm

[b:723929a83e]A First On TV

This is the twentieth century,
you are there, preparing to skin
a human being alive. Your part
will be to remain calm.[/color:723929a83e][/b:723929a83e]

-David Ignatow[/color:723929a83e][/align:723929a83e]

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Beowulf XXIV
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Commented on: Mon Jan 10, 2005 @ 02:09pm


	Mmm...hug It'll be ok ^^

Commented on: Mon Jan 10, 2005 @ 06:27pm


	Not a bad poem, on the whole... It seems to be fighting itself in a few places though. Between free verse and a more structured poem, anyways. The content is generally standard stuff, nothing too exceptional at this point. You do show promise as a poet, you just need to find a center in terms of style. As for it being an apology or seen as an attack... I can see what you mean, both sides. Though it IS a bit.. harsh, a bit graphic, for an apology. In fact, it's more angry than it is sorry. The last line almost seems tacked on to try to give it that purpose. Removing the last line and fixing it up some would make it a decent anger/angst sort of poem, though to give it the whole "I'm sorry" theme it'd probably take some extensive re-writing.

Nighthand
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Rass
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Commented on: Mon Jan 10, 2005 @ 06:39pm


	w00t. A real review. xp I know it seems to fight itself. confused I can't change it though. And like I said, it was supposed to be an appology and explenation, more explanation than anything really, to let her know why I did it, but that's not how it came out. The entire end is supposed to be the appology, not just the "i'm sorry" bit. That's the point of the "Parental figure Sacrificial angel Unwavering vindicator Forgiving discerner My innocent martyr " parts. To show a change in thought process, changing from hate, to pity then to sorrow (that's not the word I was thinking of but meh can't think). But, I understand what you mean and agree. 3nodding It's choppy and needs to be re-written. 3nodding

Commented on: Mon Jan 10, 2005 @ 08:04pm


	Angsty Angsty indeed eek I do like the poem, it's very strong with emotion and the images are graphic. However I wouldn't show this to your mother, good intentions though they are to apologize I think she'd plotz over the first few stanzas and not bother to read it through.

Nayomi-chan
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[-Poisonous Marshmellow-]
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Commented on: Mon Jan 10, 2005 @ 08:20pm


	Bravo! Bravo! This is probably the best poem I have read in a long time. I write poetry myself but yours are awesome. There's alot of emotion. Alot of anger. And in the poem your stating a fact. Your poem should get an award!

Commented on: Mon Jan 10, 2005 @ 09:43pm


	WOW eek just WOW xd its the best poam i read in a long time

Pyro_the_littledevil
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Ebolasauce
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Commented on: Mon Jan 10, 2005 @ 10:44pm


	Aww, that's just like my feelings in a nutshell. Nice work, well written.

Commented on: Fri Jan 14, 2005 @ 07:30am


	I love it......So painful, so vulnerable...... Something about the "Im sorry" part makes me go wow....Because it's so... hateful in the poem...then those two words just make it so......I can't explain it, and I don't know how to put it into words....I'm just like... "woah.." Geeze, I'm loving your vivid detail....

Burning Sosobra
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Silverami
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Commented on: Sun Jan 16, 2005 @ 10:52am


	I dont know why but when i read this poem, i feel really, i dont know. I think it hits a nerve. I just immagin a little girl about the age of 5, and shes standing in the kitchen. and her mother is cleanig some blood from a cheakered black and white floor. And the little girls is just standing over her, watching her, with an innocent look on her face. At first i thought it was a murder story, like the first person had a brother who the mother killed. And now the FP was beat by the mother, and now the mother is trying to clean the evidence of child abuse. Then when i got down to the bottem it said "im sorry" so then after i read what you said it was suppose to be, all the i pieces fit. sweatdrop i swear i can be so dull at times...

Commented on: Tue Jan 18, 2005 @ 10:05pm


	As I said about the post you made on the eleventh, lighten up a tad in some of your poems.Are you realy that dark and depressed? If you are, might I suggest a counciler? No offence or anything of coarse. Anyway... Something else I thought of is possibly to try different forms of poetry, such as a Haiku.

Kit_San
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.Chaoist.
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Commented on: Tue Jan 18, 2005 @ 10:23pm


	It shows emotion well, very good job! You really get a feel for what the writer is going through. I like the parts you put in italic, very well done! It really leads the poem on ^_^

Commented on: Tue Apr 05, 2005 @ 03:28pm


	Graphic and vivid detail ... violent yet serene I agree that this poem goes between free verse and structure, but I think it's actually well done.

Khesed Arietovi
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[Taito]
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Commented on: Wed Apr 27, 2005 @ 11:28am


	Very nice Grammie. I was quite draw forward as I read it. And the italicized marks really worked wonders. It is just /slightly/ choppy. But by far the best part was the transition from hatered, almsot like a confused sorrow, and then finally it settles down on a type of beloved obsession. It's almsot like you go back in time from when you wanted to be like her and stuff at the beggining of the poem, but in reality you took a full circle around and realised what you'd done to her and those around you. I found it wonderfull. And you know I love angsty poetry so please. Keep on writing 3nodding heart -Kiro-

Commented on: Fri Jul 15, 2005 @ 10:49pm


	i think this is a great peom very emotional like peoms should be it shows the changing of your thoughts how your hatred goes to pity, sorrow, and love it gives a feeling that you have just tried for so long and finally you understand that it wasn't her it was the anger and sadness inside you like you have wept so many tears that you just can't anymore and it's hard to smile but you love her

henshin
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Fulaingt
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Commented on: Sat Jan 28, 2006 @ 03:47pm


	Im sorry about your dad dieing and whats going on with your mom. But as for the poetry,AHHH,more angst.Enough of the angstyness

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