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Ever Since that day...
Ever Since that unspeakable day....
I was once quiet, and alone.
My Father was beyond my spiritual reach.
My Mother was afraid.
And My Elder Sister... it was because of her that... it happened.
My name? I'm not quite sure it would be appropriate at this time. I barely remember being called by name at this time, with the exception of my Mother, who would utter it so quietly like sentimental whimpers in my youth.
But there are other names that make sense, like my old home, the once thriving village of Sithro. There are also the names of my friends from there, but this tale is only about two I encountered on a time special to me.
Then there are the names of my family, but in the case of my parents, it would be rude to speak of them by their first names. It would be like stripping them naked to understand their identify. And my Elder Sister's? It's the same as the green gemstones that the ridiculous greedy people covet so much. Funny, because my parents named her that way as an indication of how "precious" she was to them.
Why am I so vague about everything?
In truth, my soul once felt this vague before.
Also, it's because this wasn't meant for typical people.
If you happen to be one of the people that have made it here without trouble
And somehow, you understand what it is I mean to say,
Then you must be blessed with exceptional insight.
In this rather peculiar occasion....
Welcome.
Prophet Destiny:
Healing
Ever since that day, my life has been the same quiet solitude.
Elvish, Commontongue, Dragontongue. The languages of this world fascinated me for a reason, and it was what I could best preoccupy my time with while keeping everything around me at bay.
Who was, and wasn't around me at that time was my elder sister, especially since that day.
Ever since that day, I would go under the same tree, under the same shade, to better acquaint myself with another language.
And I would see and feel the presence of that same girl everyday:
Wavy, pale-blonde hair with bangs that would caress her cheek; a comforting gentle smile; and eyes like prisms that would shine all the colors in the world, with the rest of her body adorned in pure white. Her aura looked and felt most pure. Like the corona of the moon, it embraced her so that she exude even more loveliness.
And yet I sensed my sister was once so pure innocent.
Was this merely an excuse? Was I really hesitant because her beauty intimitaed me?
Or... was it because my once pure elder sister had turned me cynical towards the world?
She was my first crush, and yet I never talked to her.
Nor did I ever talk to anybody since that day.
But every day, whenever I would go under that same tree, she would be talking with others, looking perfectly content with life.
I never thought I would ever feel that way before.
For some reason, there are intervals of time where I feel she would be watching over me within those gentle eyes of prism, and that would compel me to withdraw even further.
Why would she bother witnessing the boy in the shadows, anyway? Was I a mystery of life she had to solve? Was I a scholar whom she would observe from afar, only to acknowledge the silence I require to continue with my work? Or was I another person she wants to converse with?
But the thought of merely being another point of interest to be preoccupied with annoyed me such. That is why solitude is such a blessing with me.
And I guess that would be the reason the other girl aggravated me: the one with red hair and sapphire eyes, the one who loosely wore her bluish casual robes, the little one with the bright, engaging smile and copious naiveté. Her energetic aura scared me so much, that I couldn't stand it. She would always approach me first with her childish curiosity, and I would respond by walking away.
After that, the two would converse, perhaps contemplating the foolishness of my actions.
So as time passed, my life continued down that path of solitude I cherished so much, for at least one entire year, with intervals of interruption by the eager one, why the graceful beauty would act merely as a spectator to my quiet hobby. Perhaps, because I still remained that haunting mystery, that she eventually became curious as well...
Because one day, she actually abandoned her place of comfort just to approach me.
At that time, even though she fascinated me so much, she started to agitate me like every other outside force in existence. I withdrew even further from her than I have before, than from anyone actually, but I remained under that same tree.
I felt her gazing at me, observing my pathetic position. And for some reason, her curiosity grew even further. So she approached me, and I withdrew further still. And then she knelt down by me, and I withdrew even further then.
I wanted her to go away. She aggravated me, and I hated her. She was so compelling to me, and I hated her even more. She approached me, and at the same time betrayed some silent trust I had for her. Her eyes looked so calm and understanding, so I felt she would understand my need for solitude, but she betrayed that belief.
Her curious gaze came closer and closer to me as my hatred of her grew, until the time she stopped, and her curious gaze turned to sorrow. She then backed away steadily, stood up, and lowered her beautiful face.
"I'm sorry..." she uttered so quietly.
Our eyes somehow met for the very first time, back then. Also, it was first time that her pure aura expressed herself to me.
It caressed me so softly, so beautifully, and I sensed it yearned to continue bringing me this new sense of comfort, but the grasp it held on me was so unexpectedly loose.
At the same time, I felt the soft, trembling voice of her heart cry out to me. Repeatedly, it seemed to cry out the word, "Understanding". It was not a description, but a wish she had. That alone somehow echoed a wish in mine as well. In the end, I heard a fading voice call out, "Will let me understand you?” It left me disoriented. I think it was my fault that the cries of her heart began to fade.
"I'm sorry..." she uttered once again, “I can see that you want to be alone, right? I've always seen you reading out here, all by yourself, so I thought that perhaps some time, you wouldn't mind some company? But I see, I was wrong...."
She then laughed to herself. Maybe it was to fool me into thinking how comfortable she must feel at making mistakes, but I could clearly see how disheartened she was by rejection.
"I must sound like a fool right now, huh? Of course. Here I am, thinking you might want some company, only to learn how wrong I was all this time."
Again, she laughed, and again her inner regret grew. She then turned around. The gentle aura I came to know retreated as well, though I felt it tremble as it left my side.
"I was... thankful to at least be able to talk to you like this. At the very least, I won't be able to bother you anymore, so please be thankful for that. I'll... just take my leave now."
And then, she started heading back. She, the one I found so captivating at one time, and then not too long ago my enmity, had finally let me go.
I was finally free of her, of the influence she once had on me.
So why was it... that I then became desperate to reach out to her?
I did the only thing I could think of and grasped her arm. Her right arm seemed to enjoy lagging behind the rest of her body, and so it gave me that peculiar invitation.
Then, for the first time in what felt like eternity.... I spoke.
"Wait..."
I felt a surge of surprise through her as she turned to face me again. Her bright eyes of prism widened with a precious innocence, and my face reddened.
"I.... I'm actually quite grateful that you came to me like this."
I then loosened the grip on the book that sheltered me so faithfully from the outside.
"Please... won't you stay, even if just for a little while?" I requested.
Out of nowhere, I saw her face shine with a brilliance I have never seen before.
She smiled the gentle smile I've come to learn for so long, and she nodded quietly yet cheerfully.
And on that day, I was healed.
And that was when I started learning from the beautiful world around me,
When my curiosity about this same world grew,
When I learned along with her, the beautiful little girl with prism eyes,
And when I began understanding my unusual compassion.
So that is when the better days began, when I actually stood on my own feet. This was when I finally immersed myself in the beautiful world, and when I would actually see others within the village. I had even become attached to the little girl with red hair sapphire eyes, whom I teased because of her faults, and yet taught her things because of the potential I recognized from her.
Her name was Arienne. She was unbelievably clumsy and unfocused for one of our kind, but she was still bright and eager to learn.
It was also when I was both teaching and taught by the other girl. She was someone I showed the wonderful magic my father taught me, and I easily shared the world with. These were all beloved memories.
All thanks to Yula, the wonderful girl with the prism eyes.
She helped me stood up in this world, when it grew silent and cold around me.
And it was all because of one moment of curiosity and foolishnessh.
But I forgive her for both, and I'm actually quite happy for it.
Thank you, Yula, my special friend.
 Chicken Yuki · Sun Nov 12, 2006 @ 07:33am · 1 Comments |
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