Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

Time fly so fast, or was it because I have been stationary too long that I don’t even feel that the earth is moving. My life is a wreck no doubt about that; I’m constantly losing friends- I drive them away unintentionally, my band is as stationary as me- and we’re frankly getting old to catch up, my girlfriend is pretty much convinced that I am a ******** distrustful partner and apparently I am a ******** dishonest person.
I am not perfect, I have seen and done things that are not to be proud of, I can be a compulsive liar sometimes, an escapist, an alcoholic, an open-mind person, a couch potato, a sporadic suicide-thinking depressed person, a very sick-to-the-mind person but never did I lie about how much I meant every ounce of feelings of love I have for my girlfriend. However, I don’t want to convince her anymore of anything, I don’t want to redeem my dignity. My words don’t even matter to her, even if I say the truth a billion-no... a trillion times, she’ll never be convinced, otherwise she won’t even listen to what I have to say.
What happened during my drunken session last Monday? I would honestly say I don’t know. I can only remember bits and parts of that night. Why did I drink too much? I simply enjoy being with any company, maybe I got carried away. I remember my mom scolding me, telling me that I am too drunk to cook- but I cooked dinner for her, and while we ate dinner, she scold me again, I introduced her to Aldrin who just arrived but my head was already spinning on vertigo. After that, bleep. Abs arrived, Marie arrived, I was really too drunk, the next thing I remember after that is that I was waving goodnight to everybody, I slept and Abs woke me up momentarily to say that he brought the other guys home and he’s going home. I woke up again and it’s already morning, and I a have a ******** hang over.
The only thing in my head right now is that I’m tired, too tired of this life. As always, I fought with my girlfriend again because apparently I have drunk-called her that night and I don’t remember any of it.
burning_eyes wahmbulance crying stressed cheese_whine