That is always the best start for a journal entry right? The entrance, but today, i have no flashy approach, no waving break through, i'm just falling. Maybe thats a good entrance as well? To some, right?
Let me begin to tell you from here on, the rest of this entry, is about one woman. That broke me in two, and I do not know what worth it is to be saying all of this. As i expect--- as i'm sure you expected, to be corrected, yes I did read your entry. I agree with many things you said, though at the moment i was so filled with anger, jealousy and such a large amount of hate that i could not express without vulgar words and angry comments.
So here we are, huh? Like I once said, you broke me in two, smashed me on the floor. I guess the pieces of my broken heart, will not be passed threw the eyes of the needle, merely awkwardly stitched for me to perceive i have been renewed, to only grasp my chest with every breath. Yet while the pain strikes me, the only thing i see, is two sets of lips colliding, and i wish my eyes deceived me, but none of the two were mine.
Of course, the same problem, said over and over again until the words are rancid in your mouth. But that one problem, that only problem, had been the destruction of both worlds, unlike any had seen before.
You protest of your innocence to me, to others, to yourself & while deep down everyone knows of your willful wrong doings. You have hurt and tormented the one man you claim to love, how could this be, if you had really loved me? I bared my heart and soul to you, i told you of things i dare not mention to any other being, I lifted my head up high to you. My eyes no longer staring at the dreary ground, to gaze at the skies that you had revealed to me. But with one foul swoop, you ripped my pupils from no longer gazing, just the black, darkness of my own soul. Filled with hate and torment, that is what I only see now, that it what i taste, what i drink, what i desire. For that is the only thing you allowed me to desire.
My lust for power, is not anywhere shot from being a lie. You are perfectly right when you called to me, about my stretch, being the grip of disaster. Power is what kills all great men, but great men are born great, they aim for the stars, reach the heavens and smash back down into the concrete. That is why all who seek for power are destroyed, but my dear, I was never born great. I was born from the depths of the earth, i was born where the oceans roar, where the pirates roam, where the sands are like crystals and where the breeze is so fresh, you can feel the toxins lifting with ease. I was born with a gift, that was all, I had no power, I had no greatness. Only a desire, a dream, and this is where the dream led me to, it led me to power. That is why, no matter how many trifles swing towards me, i will over come them. For I was never born great, I was transcended to be great.
Equally true that my cold heart and evil eyes are something of pain and anguish for me. But what do you think froze me over, what do you think bore my beautiful eyes out, to replace them with these hells watchers? True my lineage of evil has run down in my blood for lives upon lives, but it never surfaces unless a tragic pain is enough to let it arise.
Neither power nor evil is what i see when i close my eyes. The swiftness of our deaths are both awaiting us. May it be during an evening star shining down upon you, may it be when darkness falls, my world will be destroyed. But you need remember, we walk a lonely road. No matter how many friends you think you have gained, they are not friends to the bone. No other soul can look out for you, the way you would do for yourself. As i once remembered, you had told me that you wish to depart your friends, only I gave you an incentive. I do not know if life was better or worse, but I know for me, life without friends, makes you see things in such a better light. No influence but your own, no sight but your own, no conviction but your own.
I know you loved my tears, because the only time they had ever been caused was when you tore me apart. My solid wall broke, the sand in my barrier begun to crack until nothing was left but a shattered soul. But despite what you look into as my lie, I still stand by, I will love you till I die. I hate you, threw the spawns of all of hell, but my heart wishes it could yell, to scream for one name alone. But my body, mind and soul, knows that with you, all is just cold. I will tell you this, she has never heard those words, she has never known of you, she does not even know me.
The words i speak to you are nothing but the truth, as indeed you are the liar to my eyes. For one who speaks of love, would never do something that robust to another. The only thing i had ever lied about, was letting my heart slide to someone else. Little did I know, was that my heart would never fall, as it glided through the air, leaving everyone in stare. As my heart never returned, i stand waiting, baring my hands to the sky. For that is all I have lost, my grace, still flows with all the passion of my tongue, with all the flames from my body.
Yes of course you would have forgotten, as easy as love is left blind sided. Your morals were left were no one could find, as a bottle of rum could never be compared to kissing scum. This present lass may be shining like the sun, but her wits are failing as if they had just begun. As I too thought you were the one, i was left with nothing but a bullet and a gun. Torn asunder from the inside out, you stared down and laughed as you wrenched my heart out. Without a whisper and without a dare, all i saw in your eyes, was nothing but fear. Mutilated and bind, I could not move, but my lips quivered, as i wished to cry for you. Hurt and left alone to mend with my sorrows, that you gave me to atone.
If a wish is what you give, i will grip it, and crush it until all i can see if the pieces of your desires, drifting away. She an I are not meant to be, i despise her, as she was only a rebound. To resound for all the pain I had found. I wish her well, because within time, I will lace my swoop and destroy her as well. For that is all I can harness, the power to tarnish. But I would love to pick you up again, to drop you until there were no more knees to be swollen. My anger knows no bounds, when the rage you inflicted weights a thousand pounds.
You say you dwell no longer, when clearly I can hear you yell. Screaming verses upon verses of pain, for the suffering you know you are about to gain. Maybe a thought would drift to my mind, to stand upon your door one last time. But what do I assume when my foot reaches? To step atop a man, maybe another woman if I can, but do you dare, to see me? When your eyes have been only looking past me? There will be no heart, no love, once you open the door, all you will witness is me, flying off like a dove, indeed with all my grace swaying within your eyes. I will not be torn, but to see a tear, is what i yearn. I want you to pay, a million times worse, scream until your voice is hoarse, cry until your eyes are dry and bleed until the river is suffice.
I wish my anger could be controlled, i wish my jealous knew its hold, i wish my mind wasn't so free, because then you might of been able to control me. The wild flame I am, never to go out and can never be damned. Karma is a cycle that is true, because when I hurt you I had already knew. That maybe now I might be at peace, because to see you suffering had my pain to cease. But if I had only known, that doing this could not be over thrown, I set myself up for the fall, as you pushed me and I tumbled threw it all. Maybe I should bring the needle, and sow your heart to new, and let you figure out, what I truly was to you. I could of made you smile more than any of your friends, I could of shown you love that never ends. But you stabbed me where it hurts the most, and left me laying at the coast. Id be lying if I said I wished you and whomever else the best.
You may not have lied when you said you cared, nor when you loved me. Maybe a fib when you said you'd be there, but I feel as though I should bib you, for ever dreaming of that I would lie. Its amusing how you speak as though I have hurt you, speaking about being wondrous and true? How could that be when you lied to me, wondrous, maybe well fought, but true is too long to even be caught. But i will inform you, that falling is not a possibility for me, as i close my eyes and regain transitivity.
Do not give me a reach, for that would have our contract breach. I do not love you, as you had told me, and you do not love me, as you have told me. But what is love? Love is a cause humans made to not feel alone, that is what you had said, am I correct? Yes that is love, but love is also the means of caring, the means of devotion. Devotion to the one you cannot deny, not causing a commotion with unfaithful acts of demotion. I shall never forget, till my ashes turn to breeze, my mind shall never be at ease.
Once the world will sway, I will make sure that all doubters pay. For the earth already ignores me, I am shunned, to be the one and only forbidden Sun. I was told to keep, I was told to hold, I was told to never let go. But i let it slip, to lose my life, as my spirit founds its thrive. This grief will be over come, no need for your sympathy. Your handkerchief should be with held, as the only thing i will need, shall already be meld. With sword and shield i fight off the world, falling into the depths of the horde.
Despite the pain you have inflicted, i wish to distill gratitude. You have allowed me to learn a new attitude, to per sway anything within any latitude. Its ironic how the same thing that ended us all, was kept in your coven, far from behind the wall. Held within your bed as you comforted without a sway, because you know every emotion for me was all just a stray. I am in deep regret that I was the one fallen in this battle. You have swung, chopped and ambushed me without delay, to make room for the other fray. I wish you well with all my heart, but thats a lie for it has been torn apart. I bid you no a-due, for before you catch a glimpse, i would already have flew. Take care to all ends be, for the only end missing, is me.
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MissPaikea
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But at least you got it out, right? =)