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Last night I remember my New Year's dream. I wish I didn't. I had Christy and Andrea over. We had a blast, like the old days. It was very speical in that we haven't been together in a year and we have been together since we were little tykes. ^^ very good time indeed. I recorded a funny thing with Christy, we watched movies, baked cookies, drank four bottles of apple cider, and stayed up till four or three.

I had a nightmare for the first time in oh, five or six months. Bad sign right there. It gets worse. My dreams always ******** with my realtionships. Yet again it will kill another. I cannot ever see him in the same sense. Saying his name sends shivers down my spine. He was sweet in the dream even though he was nerdy and possesive. He still had his strange irritating things and we apprently became together in the dream. He was a CREEPER. My mom freaked when she found out. It wasn't in that yelling sense even though she did yell at one point. It was the twighlight done distortion of the story that kills me. The vibes I got from the dream forbid me from any contact with this person. I don't mind and yet I do. I feel bad this is how it has to end but seriously, my dreams affect me. My dreams affect me prolly too much.

Everytime I seem to be in a relationship of any kind with a guy something has to ******** it up. Matt I screwed up because I liked him so long and did things I regret. Michael we became bf/gf and I cheated on him, had a dream (that I got over in time) and we were neglegent of each other. Ryan I broke up with to protect myself and didn't understand what was going on with myself. Dylan I cannot even think about anymore because of a dream and his irritating nature. Nick I messed with his family and they didn't like me in the end, I forget what I did. @_@ And then there's Eric. He doesn't know why I'm mad at him but I keep being cruel. I know he just wants to be friends but I can't help but feel uneasy that he wants more and won't tell me. It irritates the s**t outta me. I am doomed with men. Eternally doomed.

My New Year's Resolution: write letters to my friends back home at least once a month --> unless they don't write back, then I get to stop altogether

Happy New Years. I feel like s**t. I just want to go home crying