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I've done some soul-searching recently.. now I know it can be dangerous, but I did it all the same. I decided that I should put down a list of things about myself that are so buried deep down there that I barely know them... even if other people may see it fairly easily. My preferred format for the recording of these truths? Why, what better way than a list?

1. Music changes the way I feel
2. I walk that thin line between love and hate almost every day.
3. No matter how much I b***h about it, I actually do like my job.
4. I never follow my own advice.
5. I almost never try my hardest in school.
6. I care more about my friends than I do myself.
7. If I know you well enough, I'd forgive you for murdering me.
8. I've thought about cutting my wrists once before.
9. I have difficulty choosing sides.
10. I have trouble letting go.
11. I have abandonment issues.
12. I know how it feels to love someone and have them not love you back.
13. I almost never get sick.
14. 90% of the cool ideas I come up with never make it past my brain.
15. I get depressed just like everyone else.
16. I'm too hard on myself
17. I wish I wasn't so scared of meeting new people.
18. I wish I could enjoy life more.
19. The thing I'm scared of most is living a boring life.
20. Everyone says I have talent but I never see it in myself.
21. That's not always modesty talking.
22. I think just about anyone is cooler than I am.
23. I don't find myself particularly attractive.
24. But I hate it when girls have low self-esteem over their looks.
25. I'd like to dress up for things, but never have the courage.
26. I never encounter anything interesting.
27. I actually probably have, but don't think it so because I have high standards on such things
28. Sometimes I wish I wasn't so nice.
29. I get jealous easily when it comes to relationships.
30. I verbally abuse my friends.
31. I've never had a nickname that wasn't invented in malice.
32. I have a dim view of humanity en mass.
33. Homosexuality makes me uncomfortable sometimes.
34. I truly feel that nice guys DO, in fact, finish last.
35. I still don't truly understand why girls like the "bad boy"
36. I alter my personality to help people like me, sometimes.
37. I wear black because I have no fashion sense.
38. I can be incredibly vindictive and petty sometimes.
39. I have fantasies of living in a post-apocalyptic future.
40. Sometimes I think I'm emotionally unstable.
41. Nine times out of ten, I'll think a girl is more attractive in her underwear than naked.
42. I have difficulty believeing that I'll find the right girl even though I'm "such a great guy".
43. I'm probably a bigger pervert than you think.
44. I still use euphamisms to describe most things involved with sex.
45. My best friend is probably one of the most unfortunate individuals I know.
46. I absolutely refuse to join any armed force willingly.
47. I like Canada more than America.
48. I feel that most of the people who should be president will never even enter politics.
49. I hate the message that newer rap gives to the black youth of america.
50. I think some of the coolest instruments ever invented are the Bagpipes, the Acordian, and the Keytar.
51. I don't have high hopes that many people, if any, will read this far down my list.
52. I can't fantasize about having sex with anyone I'm going out with at the time.
53. When my dad gets drunk, I hate him.
54. My ideal woman has short black hair, ice blue eyes, is pale, has curves, and a flat stomach that she's not afraid to show off. She'll never be untrue, likes her love with a little playful violence, listens to a lot of music, lets me be right more than once in a blue moon, plays video games, reads a lot, and isn't afraid to have philosophical conversations about anything, including religion.
55. I think more girls should play video games.
56. I've never had to actually try to win a girl over, they've always come to me with little or no effort.
57. I completely ostrasized my first girlfriend from my life.
58. I want to have at least one child.
59. I like movies that make me think.
60. I have mixed feelings about the trend of making video games into movies.
61. I think the world would be a better place if they showed how they felt more often.
62. I honestly didn't think this list would be this long.
63. I've got more money than almost anyone I know who's my age, but I'm still a tightwad sometimes.
64. I miss high school because I had nore friends then.
65. I can count on two hands the times I've been outside of California.
66. I think alcohol and drugs are crutches for the people who can't face life.
67. I escape from my life in books, video games, and music.
68. Sometimes I feel like Mameme from FLCL "If I don't, I'll overflow."
69. I still laugh when I count to this number.
70. When it comes to the woman I love, I'd rather melt from the inside out than have her worry about me.

Ok.. that's about enough out of me. Comment as you will. Hopefully if you knew me, now you know me a little bit better. I honestly think more people would feel a lot better if they did something like this, but that's up to them. Until next time, I'm Red.. well.. unless you know my real name. xp