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Why does depression have to be a slippery slope, near the end of my reading, I started feeling this hole in my chest opening again, as it always does when I'm getting depressed... I'm fighting it, and so far it hasn't gotten too bad.. Just this damn hole... I hate the thoughts that run through my mind when I'm getting this way.. Many are of myself ending my existence streaming through my head.. When I get this way I wish I could cry, no, I have a need to cry, but unless I force them to the tears don't come... It feels like I'm being eaten from the inside out, and trying to cure this by myself is difficult.. The best I can do right now is to try to numb my senses, but I've seem to have lost my ability to do that.. So I'll have to continue to fight, and hope it will go away soon, because I don't wish for this sadness to continue, but to go away.. I don't want to become an infection to this body, like the other had been years in the past.. I can't harm this body, with a blade because I would disappoint to many people, I've thought about it though..

Fight fight fight, that's what I'm going to continue to do.. Its all I can do right now.. Hopefully eventually this fighting will make me stronger, and I'll be able to handle myself better when I get depressed.. I need to find my inner strength to protect this body again, so that way I won't be an infection, but in a way a medication..

(to myself, continue fighting, don't give up, look forward and continue walking, even if it seems you can't walk forward anymore then crawl when you can't crawl, move.. Just keep moving forward, eventually you'll get to that point in time, where it will be easy to walk again, easy to smile, easy to laugh, that day will come.. Don't let the ones that love you down, remember that's your reason for life)