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Hey Gaia Friends,
If you people would have known me in real life, back in July 2009, you would most likely not want to be around me. You would judge me extremely fast for my appearance. I felt like s**t for 4 years now. But July 2009 kinda made me learn to accept myself. Why July 2009? Because the person I feel is my best friend now came. That person who was the first to not judge me right there and then, that person who I thought was going to be my best friend and brother was the FIRST person to ever even give support when I needed it. I was so blinded before that. I thought I wasn't even worth being here, on Earth. He came for a God-known reason, that I still can't explain..
Through out the year, I kept growing more self-confidence. I changed my apparel and all, to feel even more better. I was actually starting to feel happy. I will never forget those moments. I can't forget, even if I wanted to. That person left handprints in my heart that are not erasable. Everything I gone through through this year has been a stepping stone that will at least keep my moving.
It was all good until these last few months. I found out that the person who helped me out was leaving in the summer. I was extremely upset when I heard the news, and still am. As it gets closer to summer, I get further and further away from that bond. I feel now as if he's not the same "Brother" I saw him as a couple months ago. Now, instead of feeling confident about myself, I feel used, and stepped on, JUST how I felt last year.
..Why?
Why am I such a failure?...
Why do I lose everything and everyone I have near me?...
Why am I such a mistake?
I should have taken my life away when I had that chance...
I should be dead right now, who knows where...
I rather be worm food than being here looking at this s**t!
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If I could, I would really stop breathing and suffocate, no one would mourn my loss.
No one would care at all! If everyone I got turns their back against me, who am I ever going to trust? I feel alone!
How can I vent if every time I am finished doing so, I see the world again moments later and feel the same shitty a** feeling? I feel shunned, and mislead.. I feel so outcasted. Will I ever be noticed in a good way? How can I counter my misfortunes?
......
 The Geb · Wed May 26, 2010 @ 03:58pm · 0 Comments |
