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or perhaps it's a jealous tendency...

I'm not over it but I am.

I hate that when I want to check in with certain friends and how they are doing, I see her. She's all over. She's acting like nothing has changed. She's being the same way she was before we broke it off.

I can't stand it.

The other sides of me become still and quiet. I rage and throw things in my mind. How I would love to bang my firsts against a wall until they bleed or break things by throwing them around the room. It would allow me to collapse on the floor like a drama scene. But, I can't let that out.

I can't be like that. Things are expensive. Acting like that isn't normal. Thinking about her is being hung up about it. Shouting would disturb my neighbors. Crying is so childish at this point. And even admitting these feelings is like asking for attention when all I really want is to get rid of them.

How are we supposed to vent out feelings or deal with things if speaking or acting upon them is taken as an act of attention? How are we supposed to forgive ourselves if we're worried all the time that the people will find us pathetic for still thinking of them and what they did?

Is there really any way to deal with your feelings in society today? Or are we just zombies that feed upon the very feelings and thoughts that keep us from living?

Are we dependent on the things that bring us down?