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So, I'm in the middle of "loving him" and "not loving him"...

On and off, on and off...we're like a light switch, the two of us. One minute, things are good, great even. The next? It's like we're worse than enemies or as though we were never friends, lovers, or anything of the sort.

I believe that you're not supposed to love someone half of the time. It's either all, or nothing. But why can't he see that? Why is it that without the drama, the relationship doesn't interest him? That, being unofficial, but doing official things, is a confusing, time-consuming, irritating, frustrating, uncalled for, label and a strain on our relationship? Is it really a relationship? Or am I just imagining it?

It's funny because, there's a whole flock of guys who'd love to be with me had I given them the time of day, but with him in the picture, I chose not to. I don't like the idea of hurting others, especially when they don't deserve it. But for some odd reason, he doesn't mind hurting me...not at all...

I don't even know why I stay or have stayed this long. He obviously doesn't full well appreciate me and the relationship of sorts that we have, is ever so pointless! I mean, what's the point of making plans and promises when it's never going to happen? He's just as inconsistently inconsistent as the rest of 'em...He's just as much a hopeless cause...Yet, I stick around. Why? Some could say, it's because I love him and hope for a rainbow after all of this stormy, chaotic weather. Others, would say I'm foolish. I say? I don't know. And that's what kills me the most. That I don't even know why I stay, or why I'm here....Or why I keep going back or letting him back in. Maybe I'm just as bad as he is, as much of a hopeless cause. Maybe I too enjoy the drama of all of this, and feel that a relationship with a nice boy just wouldn't do. Maybe I am foolish. Maybe, maybe a lot of things....One thing is for sure though...

I'm in the middle of "loving him" and "not loving him"...