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My internet has been so bad lately that I have avoided being on at all... well as much as avoidance as I do... I can do worse but... I also know I have res- WHATEVER. Point is, it's really bad. Really really bad.

I'm a little shaken still from Thursday night's stupidity. First off let me say I think I did well on my Midterm Friday morning, despite the pain from the after effects on the night prior.

Thursday night I'm going to summarize cause it still hurts me.

I kinda feel like there is a new spirit in our house now too. It's freaking me out. I remember it being a woman. Last night I made a safety circle to protect me. Didn't use the right objects but it did allow me to sleep. Tonight will be better. I'll use my real safety objects. I feel her now... it's really scary... T__T

Thursday night I went up to the 8th floor where these guys always party. I had a bunch of shots and ... well I was stupid. I had wanted to makeout or kiss with someone for a long time so... I did. With.... a big black dude. Ugh. It went farther than that. Ew. Just like don't talk about it kinda far.

Let me just say, the sensations like kissing and touching all feel SO MUCH BETTER when you ******** LIKE THE PERSON D< and I definitely DID NOT like this guy. EW and he was that kinda douche arrogant type like "oh you liked it" kinda s**t all the time. SLAP SLAP SLAP. I'm.... weak. And I don't leave when I should. I don't say no when I should. I don't stop drinking when I should. I tried hash from a bong for the first time. NEVER AGAIN. It just doesn't do it for me.

BTW. No matter how much I like the guy, fingering just doesn't do it for me. I can't do it to myself and I don't want anyone else ******** sticking their hands down into me like that. Guys always get that NASTY a** CREEPER look on their faces and expect it to feel good. Sticking fingers into a place that isn't my major pleasure place, ISN'T GOING TO GET ME OFF ******** D< This

THIS

kinda CRAP is why I don't want to have sex yet. THIS IS WHY I DON'T WANT GUYS GETTING CLOSE TO ME. This is why I've essentially given up.

I can tell if a guy is good for me from at least two things: music taste and kiss. I hate HATE HATE HATE hate muther ******** hate MORE THAN ******** ANYTHING about a guy if he has big lips. Nope. Just no. Even if he has everything else. NO. It matters to me. I want the perfect lips. The perfect kiss. I just want to crave it all day long. Yup. And I need a rocker or someone into one of the genres around rock. NOT RAP. NOT HIP-HOP. NOT DANCE. NOT METAL. Rock. Alternative. Punk. Grunge. Rock/Pop. Ska. Indie. Alternative Rock. Punk Rock. Ska/Rock. Those are my favorite types. They have a specific look and ideology they typically follow. And I EAT THAT UP <3 I will ******** kiss you all night, dance and fall desperately in love with you if you know my favorite ******** bands. If you're badass enough to admit you love White Stripes and Anberlin or Nine Inch Nails and Three Days Grace or Nickelback or Hoobastank, baby <3 You've got me hook line and sinker. Just give me a ring <3