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I hate that so many of my friends have abandoned me.

The ones I do have rarely talk to me and I get so lonely that, the time between feels like months. It has only been a few weeks since the first week of April but that feels like 3 months ago to me. I ... can't handle being alone like this.

I'm so dependent on the love and support of others.

Sometimes I think if I had friends that supported me more in stuff that I would do better in life. If my friends tried to work on things with me or if we did more things together, I might be a better artist or care about being active or something. I enjoy dancing and art and music just for myself. I would love for it to be more than just that so I look for relationships to fill those gaps. I expect too much from relationships. I expect them to replace friends.

It doesn't work like that.

But, I feel like my friends are such s**t sometimes.

I mean, I love them but... I wish I didn't have to worry about us growing apart or not talking.

Andrea, Christy, Firefly, Roku, ...

Gods... forget Roku. I'm still semi-pissed at her. I mean, I'm not but I am. She just... replaced me. SHE REPLACED ME! Let's just say what it was. I acknowledge this happened and you know what, it would be fine if she didn't stroll in and pretend nothing had happened. She replaced me with my roommate then expects me to open up to her like nothing happened. I wanted to know what happened to her.... I felt like I was pushed out of her life. I don't even know what to do with these feelings... she's an online friend. I shouldn't invest so much in it but I adore her so. She was such a good friend. I want to be good friends still... psssh. I'm lame like that. u __ u

Juna us rarely on anymore and I don't really talk to Dakuo anymore since his style is so different from mine that now it gets a little annoying. Shi ignores me and I ignore the rest of MH people... it hurts too much and I resent them for having to do all the work. You can b***h to me that I don't ask for help, BUT I DO. When I do, nothing gets done so I stop asking for help when I really need it. That or they take FOREVER to reply, cause this is online life. Online life comes second to them.

To me, it's all I have.

I have nothing but these digital escapades to look back on fondly.