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Sigh Sigh Sigh

It's getting harder to listen to the damn Manic a** thoughts.
The more I make friends with these peeps,
the more I'm like: Hey, WE CAN DO THIS emotion_awesome

But we can't.

Cause then the me I know is like: emotion_donotwant YOU. ARE A ********. SHUT UP!

Cause like, we know that there are HUGE a** consequences for the LIES
and the stupid stupid way we live our life.
Change number one that is going to be demanded: Do well in school
Change Two: Check in. Change Three: MEDDDICAAAATION

emotion_donotwant

DEATH TO THE PILLS
DEATH TO THE MEDS!

I REFUSE
I REFUSE
I REFUSE!

There is NO way I shall go on medication.

Then they be all like: Well, if you no take meds, you take therapy and move home

And I'm like. emotion_0A0
[/ takes whole bottle of meds and slits wrists]
KILL ME FIRST ********!

But in all seriousness,
there are still a lot of things that I am dealing with.

I had an uber creepy dream where I was in love with my brother,
who in my dream wasn't really my brother but we had been brother and sister
but in reality we weren't really blood related so when we found out we were all like
"Take me you sexy beast" [/ pukes self to death] It was... disgusting
I feel so.... violated to have had that dream. I DO NOT WANT.
DO NOT WANT DO NOT WANT DO NOT WANT.
I am seriously disturbed that my dream would ever EVER touch on something like that.
Yes, my brother is adorable and I want to understand him better.
BY NO ACCOUNTS DOES THAT MEAN I WANT TO MAN WOMAN LOVE HIM
[/ barfs] never would I ever.

And like... April is ending so... I need to do something fast.
Wedding is coming up.
Summer school PROBABLY passed already.
I have shamed myself into a ******** worthless state.
AND I've been drinking just about every night,
hoping for the courage one night to end it all emotion_awesome

I'm such a tard when I'm Manic.
Oh wonderful days~
No wonder I don't have any friends in real life to keep me company.

Nope nope. Just my friends to call on the phone
and talk to on the internets.

CAUSE THE INTERNETS ARE REAL PEOPLES rofl

[/ shot]
I shouldn't care so much what my mother calls them.
They are friends and I'm glad to have them.
It would just be nice if one of them were here with me once in a while.
Y'know...
the type that comes over and you geek out over a movie
or like make dinner together or go dancing or jut like... chill .____.
I WANT THAT.
.____. I iz a lonely fish.