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My World Comes Crashing Down
So it has been a long day these last two days, I've been so irritated these last 24 hours back to back and my mind is just clouded with thoughts. So I was going to try and go to bed early tonight, so maybe I could try to get used to waking up and going to bed early since I have less than a week till classes start. So I got offline and laid here for a good while, mostly just shut my eyes and just daydreamed because my mind just went off in to hyper mode but I don't really know how long I laid here just imagining something better, something clearer, suddenly my phone started to vibrate like crazy and my first thought was that it was one of my friends who I had just got through talking to. I reach for it, smiling, no idea why but I just was. I had four messages, the last one was from a friend asking what I was doing, the other three was from someone I had never met before, someone I knew but yet I had never seen nor talked to. They were from this man that gave the other 50 percent to help make me and bring me in this world. Yes, my dad isn't my biological dad but regardless, blood is not always thicker than water but anyways it is a long story but this man just recently found out that he had a child 20 years ago, I on the other hand have known for a good few years but still, I had no intentions, no desire what so ever to ever meet or have any contact with him, though that might be harsh, that is just what I felt. So recently, and I have no idea why but my mother decided to just bring him into my life without listening to me and gave him my number so after I read the three messages, I start to cry. I have been so angry thinking about all of this stupid crap and then all sudden I just start to cry so I get up and walk into the living room, which is were my parents usually sleep, and mom is in the other bedroom asleep but dad is laying on the couch and he is asleep as well, and I just pause and glance at him and I just want to cry more so I just go back into my room and lay here, thinking and wondering in anger and god knows what other emotions i'm feeling and just nothing. I just lay here, I don't know what to think, but I text him back, not a long message but not a short one either, and I feel sick, I feel like i'm betraying my dad, I feel emotionless yet at the same time my emotions are so high. I feel tired and wore out and yet I can't sleep, so I just lay back down and close my eyes and imagine something other than this, something happier, somewhere brilliant, somewhere safe. It has been a long day or two and yet I know the days are just going to get longer and longer..
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