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Sometimes
Sometimes, my life is a little weird, sometimes difficult. Most of the time I don't know what to do, most of the time I feel a little lost. I don't know about God and i'm unsure about everything. Sometimes I don't see the point in trying any longer or hanging on. When I found out how I came to be here, I started to resent my mother, because of her, I was living in a situation that I couldn't easily get out of and I resented her in a way that even I didn't understand. But as time passed, I started to understand some things, that because of her, I had a chance of my own life, had a chance to experience things on my own all the while I still resented her regardless because even though I had a million different doors open to me, I still had a life that wasn't just my own, a life that was built on my parents and in the truth, I couldn't just live my own life the way I wanted, I couldn't just follow my own dreams because whether I liked it or not, I was there not just as a whole person, but as someone that was used as a shield between my parents. The more I grew, the older I got, the stronger I became, it became useful to them, because of me, things became more yet at the same time less difficult not only for me but for my family. I am the reason this war inside has dragged on as long as it has but because of me, this war hasn't become as damaging as it could have. I have experienced so many things in life, went through so many ups and downs, endured things that shouldn't have happened and missed out on things I can never get back, but the best thing I have found out, the best thing that made everything worth it, was the people I have met along the way here. Even the people I hate or regret, they have made it worth it. The friends and family that I have grown to love and cherish, the people that offer so much and get nothing in return, and the people that have changed my life and saved me in ways that I couldn't imagine, I could never regret. Everyone that has came and left in my life and the people that are still there, I have grown to love. Who I am, where I have been, who I have turned out, is thanks to the people who have came into my life in one way or another and I am thankful for having the privilege to meet them. So, because I never know when I draw my last breath, never know when my time is up, I have to say this, all of this, because I hate things left unsaid and I want it known because, even as tears fill my eyes, I have to be thankful even though right now, I feel so lost and confused but now, as thoughts come to mind, I find light, not in only God or good people, but just in the simple thought of life and how precious it really is. So, before this becomes so long that even I would dread to read, i'll end this here, with just a simple thanks and I love you.
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