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Thank you

And I couldn't write those words anymore to explain just how thankful I am. I mean, I feel this HUGE weight off my chest just lifted after the conversation. I... I'm in a surreal state that I haven't been in since she decided to leave.

Today, I knew that it would be the day she'd come out to talk to me again. I foolishly and arrogantly decided to gourd her the night before with a message on Twitter. Apparently, it worked much better than I had really ever thought it would.

When I saw her messages flooding in, I was taken back. It wasn't the fire and anger that I thought she'd have for me. It wasn't the, "******** off and leave me alone" tone either. Rather... It was one of defeat. One of an exasperated warrior, tired of fighting and can no longer raise her blade anymore. It was the surest sign to me that... I was very wrong again. Wrong to assume and let my imagination get wild about her becoming heartless towards me...

We talked. I... I did my best to keep my voice and strength as strong as I could... But I cracked several times and even cried with her. There was something in the air outside of all the pain and explanations. Yes, I did get my answers for the questions I had... Yes, I was reassured about many of the things my dark depression made me think up of... But, I could feel something... very faint and distant... tingling in the air as we spoke. We both didn't comment on it and I feared if I did... It'd disappear from sight entirely. I think, again me thinking, it was Love.

I don't take this distance as a torture anymore. As I said before... I deserve this outcome. It's a very shitty outcome and she even admitted wishing it hadn't come out the way it did... But it did and we both have to live with what the other has done. There is no, "I can fix this with all the provado I can summon." or "If I just hang in, maybe he'll learn his lesson." for this time... We must break that cycle. No longer try to strive for what we, as a couple, once had. Rather, understand that we are where we are, become stronger individuals, and maybe one day come back as two different people. Just because the person changes, doesn't mean the emotions for that person has changed.

In this, I want to write a sweet ending. I don't want to leave the taste of sour in the mouth of whomever reads this. Maybe you may say, "But you aren't with her, how are you not crying out in pain?" and I say that I have heard all the pain she has in her voice about everything. I don't have the right to cry out pain for I've inflicted enough of it in her life. It doesn't matter if I slipped a knife by accident into her, the pain was and still is very real.

The sweet ending is that I will continue to love her, just as I have been throughout this entire ordeal. Feeling that faint spark while we were talking reminded me that even flowers can bloom once again after a forest fire. It may take weeks, months, or even years... But, and to quote someone very important, "If it is True Love, then we will always come back... No matter what.