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He quit his job.

Am I wrong for letting him do this?

He was talking about killing himself, he had a knife to his wrist. I just wanted him to stay alive, I just wanted him to stay in my life. Was I wrong in that?

I don't want to lose him, I don't want to face life without him by my side. Does that make me selfish?? I don't even know what to think really. We'll get by ok, he has money in the bank that his mom left to him.

But what if it never ends? What if, even when he's working with his friend, he ends up ill every day before work? What happens then? He can't not work forever, I can't support us both and his mother's money WILL run out before too long if we keep using it.

He pushes me away.... wants me to break up with him just so he can be free to kill himself. When I asked him if I could get him anything, he said a gun.

I wish life was easier. I wish it all made sense. I wish we didn't live in a world that was so awful that suicide seems like a viable option. I wish I could kiss him and make it all better. I wish I didn't feel guilty about keeping him here.

I just don't know anymore. Life here is too ******** up, and its just going to get worse. And somehow we have to last til christmas. And then years upon years past that.

Who are we kidding? Like sucks too much to be able to make all those years. We'll break one day. He came close today. What if tomorrow I'm not here to stop him? What if tomorrow I come home from work to a dead body? What do I do then?