Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

[********!!! AEROSMITH'S CONCERT GOT CANCELLED!!! THIS SUCKS!!!


Now to the point


This is one of the first times I've felt like this in a long while. There's nothing to do. No video games, no food, no anime, guitar is boring, nothing. I think it might be that "something's missing" feeling again. If I had something to do, I wouldn't feel so blank and pointless.

I know this is basically boredom, but it feels beyond that. Like there's just one big hole in my life. I haven't talked to anybody but Scriven, Topher, and Maci today. Am I just getting severe loneliness again? And it's cramped in my room? Claustrophobia? There's never no reason for these things to happen

But seriously, what could it be? Am I regretting my decision with that one girl? Do I feel like I'm in extreme sexual need? Am I lonely and in need of a girlfriend? I'm sorry, I can't help but link what's happening to my not having a girlfriend.... Not to mention everyone around me is changing. Like in multiple ways. Scriven's getting more stressed, Maci's getting more irritable, and Topher's probably going through another inner-metamorphosis

Is that what's happening to me? Maybe this is just a phase. Just my being wanting to change physically and mentally while I'm just sitting here, being a sitting sausage. Speaking of meat, that sounds good right about now.... That's another thing. I'm getting more worried about my figure. I wanna be slim and muscular, not fat. The no food situation helps though

I want to see a psychologist BADLY, but I don't know anyone. And my dad is too poor to take me to one. This has nothing to do with my body, just my mind. It feels like something is telling me to transition.... Something.... My body? Some higher power? God? An angel?

Seriously. I only want to sit down and think about me and what's going on. The only time I feel like something needs to be done is when I'm at school, sitting next to Whitney, Gabby, or Angela. (Not Yoder's sister) This might be my hormones finally coming in.

And, now I can't help but think about how sad I am with the fact that I can never heal my friendship with that one girl. Give me a minute, I have to brush this off


Click here for a song to listen to while you wait


Okay, I'm done. I know I'm making a big deal out of just boredom, but it HAS to be more than that.... Plus, I'm getting more concerned about performing at sex. Isn't anybody else feeling like some serious change is coming? I thought the wave of change would be over after Sophomore year.


Seriously, somebody, help me out here... Give the dog a bone