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So, I'm actually paying attention in Algebra 2 now and it's not super easy. The distracting PSP has almost guaranteed my failing the final. But I know most of the stuff, so I hope I can pass. I better or else it's off to Chile

And I'm feeling so overwhelmed. It's hard to keep up with everything. Music, time to myself, homework, chores, preparing for college, staying in touch with my friends and family... And today I had to ditch doing the leaves AGAIN to go to the engineering club to see my friends and to prepare for college. And my dad told me I was being a good teenager... And I don't even know what he meant.

Not to mention, girls. I'm still not in like flint with anyone. But I was with Kelsey. Only for 3 days and it didn't count. But, why? Why didn't it work out? Were we not clicking? I don't know. And as I went to engineering club and ditched going home to do chores (I saw music auditions), I wondered. Was I not ready?

That's actually a good question...

AM I ready? AM I ready for a girlfriend? It'd mean more time to spend not to myself. But it would mean I'd get the one thing I've tried so hard for the last year and a half to get. And it feels like it's all been for nothing

And even more... People think I like Paige. Paige Dillon, I think is how it's spelled. I'm so open to hug anyone. But, will it end up the same as with Kelsey? Am I just not ready as much as I think I always have been?

Still to come, I have a crush on someone who's bi. Many might know her as the freshman that went to the board meeting to stick up for 6 period classes. (vs. 5 periods) Her name's Justine. The first time I saw her was in summer school and I was too nervous to talk to her. The first time I talked to her was this year. And we got it off so well. I might actually like her for her personality.

Which brings me to the low of my day: Emily. Emily Winter. The hippie red-head girl in my German class. I saw her at the auditions. She already thinks I'm a stalker. After seeing her at the movie theaters and then seeing her at the auditions, what can I do to show her I'm not a stalker?

So far, the girls I've liked are Beka, Mae, Madelyn, Tiffany, Kathleen, Emily, Beth, Hannah, Faith (also from summer school), and Justine. And there was a brief period where I liked Kearney but that's a day gone by. Not to mention a few others. Only a FEW

I don't even know what to say to the people I love, the girls I've liked, my parents, or anyone. So many things are happening and I can't even have time to myself. I don't think I know what I want out of life anymore. All I can do is try to brighten up the days of other people in the best way I can. Until I figure out what's fun for me.

And what's right for me

And who I am

And what I need

We all have trials like these. And mine make me no different from anyone else. But why do mine seem so much worse than others'? I know for a FACT that others have it worse, but I can only gripe about mine

I hope some angel comes by and saves me before I lose my grip