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So much of the time I ask myself why I exist, and so much of the time I tell myself, I shouldn't even be here any more.. I tell myself, I'm not worth it, and all I do is get in others way.. I've been wanting to write the word Die into my skin, to remind myself to keep living.. I don't know why I believe it will make myself feel better to do this, or to see it on myself, I guess that's one of the others feelings pushing forward... The reason I don't do this is because I know all it would be is a temporary fix to this pain I'm feeling, because I don't want to use the more permanent means to this...

My mind has been a whirlwind recently, depression, numbness, fake happiness, depression... Waking up in the morning feeling nothing but sadness, makes me wish I could just sleep forever, and this depression that hits me oh so often makes me feel like running away somewhere no one will ever find me so I can give to the ground the resources I feel I'm wasting... I don't know why I can't get these feelings to go away, the more I push them away the harder they come back.. I've tried to accept them, and dismiss them, but then I'm constantly feeling this way, sometimes I don't know what to do, so I do the only thing I can do, and that is to live, and wait..