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Today, I've woken up depressed, and instead of going away, its lingering here.. I wish I would stop waking up like this... I assume its going to die down at least a little when I go to the coffee shop, but I can't guarantee it.. This constant sadness, makes it hard to do homework.. I'm hoping it won't cause me to fail my classes..

I see my friend as happy or at least content with his life right now, it makes me wish I could be like that.. I've still thought about how I'd want to die, but I've also thought about how I'd want to live.. I've started listening to a new song recently, which makes me just about cry every time I listen to it.. I think its because of what it teaches.. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xfq_A8nXMsQ .. My friend had brought to my attention last night a quote I had used for awhile and it still rings true even now, and always shall, Dieing is easy, its living life that's hard.. Which reminded me that living is misery is better than dieing in vain.. Even more inspiration for me to put one foot in front of the other...

I still really miss the person special to me.. I hurts not being able to talk to her so much.. I'll still continue to live on for her, and continue to keep trying to be happy, I guess its become somewhat of a quest to be happy.. And I'll continue to hold on to these dreams until their a reality.. I just hope the one special to me doesn't give up on me.. Never gives up on me..

I don't think I'll ever be able to learn to live for myself, all I do anymore is protect others, and try to make others happy.. I almost hate myself for this.. I'm not sure how I can protect others if there are times when I don't even think I can protect myself.. Sometimes I feel like I'm going to turn out to be an infection to this body.. I'm going to do my best to never do that, and to move forward until the day comes that I can feel happiness again..