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How many times have I done this to myself
How long will it take before I see
When will this hole in my heart be mended
Who now is left alone but me
-"Solitude" by Evanescence


Rain drops falling, I can feel nothing. Shredded to pieces by your own life is enough to just drop to the ground and die. What bad memory of the future do you hold? Can you truly decide your fate, years from now? No. But you can guess. It's impossible to ignore it no matter how hard you try. There are just some things that you can't change. I occassionally hurt myself because I can't get it in my head that you can't change something that's already been set for you. I know at one point, I'm going to end up dark, cold and lonely without a single path out of this solitude. I don't like to be alone, but that's the punishment.

If you make friends while you're still in school, you're going to end up heartbroken. I know that the odds are against me about keeping all my friends, and I don't know whether I should regret it, or embrace it. If I regret making friends, then I'll never understand the wonderful feeling. But, if I embrace it, I know I'll have to endure much more pain than breaking your arm or spraining your ankle. I'm eventually going to lose them, and I'll end up with nothing more but a memory of the feeling.
Even if I do keep them, they won't last forever. Nothing...lasts forever...

There's no way to win the game of life, for every choice will lead you to another, and another. You'll just keep playing until the day you hold your last breath, and your last choice. So tell me, as you play this game, Friends: Will you regret it?
This choice leaves me alone, and I don't feel like I can do anything but have no emotion at all...I shouldn't expect anymore happiness, or show my sorrow only for people to laugh at. If you cannot even show how you feel to even yourself, will you remain forever emotionless?

~A cause of my pain I can easily regret yet causing pain is hard to forget~