Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

Live with nothing but hate. You say you hate it here. You say you hate me. You don't mean it, but I can hear it come out. Your words come out like a bees sting, killing everything in sight. You want this?
There's two types of anger. There's:
I hate you anger, and the insane anger: I'm going to kill you. I often feel the first, and when It's worse, I feel the second. The second one is evil. The second one is demon-like. I hate it, but would that be a sin as well? To speak in a way that kills, is it a sin, even if it's evil that you hate? I try so hard to be good, but I can't. It hurts too much, and I've already fallen to something bad. I don't want to follow the devil's feats, but so many do. I feel like I'm being pulled in as well. The only reason I say things I shouldn't is because I used to be that way. I used to listen to rap, and think that if I did, I could make easy friends. But that wasn't true. It just made me something I hate. So is hating yourself a sin as well? Does that mean I haven't done anything right? So tell me, if I told the devil, "I hate you." Then would it be wrong? If that's how I should feel, then what's right?
I cry everyday in my life. I hate when people make fun of me for it. If I don't, then I don't feel it in my heart anymore. I can't feel that calming effect if I don't. The same feeling I have when I look at old photographs and remember the person I used to be.